PIC E-zine | Living the Vicarious Dream

PIC E-zine | Living the Vicarious Dream
July 12, 2006


In this issue:

1. The PIC VIP

2. Latest Headlines

3. "Ten Things That Happened to Our Favorite Fairy Tale Characters After Their Stories Ended!" by Vin Doctor

4. "Top Undetermined Amount of Reasons Why Only Lists Get Published in the PIC E-zine" by Dan McDonald

The PIC VIP

The past has a funny way of running into you again.  One day you're living the dream, the next
you're waking up from it in a cold sweat. You go from life in the fast lane, to life in the grocery aisle, buying new whitening toothpaste in hopes of getting a date.  And to make it
worse,  you think you spot Rick Highschoolbuddy a few feet away from you trying to decide whether he wants a 12-pack of Magnums or just to wrap his dong with 100 dollar bills he
receives from his lucrative corporate job. Who would have thought Chemical Engineering wasn't the cash cow it was cracked up to be?

"Damn cheerleaders and their SEXUAL HISTORY, you know?" he throws at you with a
smirk.  "Last time I was with one she gave me a C-L-A-P. And you know what that spells!"

He humps the air in the best Stifler impression you've seen in years... god you hate that you want to be
him.

"So what you been up to man?" he asks inquisitively.

You say that you're married, but even though it's been a while, you still have some NEW
TRICKS in the bedroom. He grins at this, and you wince at your own lie.  You're so tied down that your woman won't even let you keep porn around the house. You rely on your
FAVORITE SCI-FI SCENES to get you off. A chimp throws a bone in the air, and that's enough poetic imagery to cross-fade you into a sad slumber where you wake up for the first
day of the rest of your life.

You realize Rick's been talking this whole time.



"... and I said OPEN WIDE FOR WORLD PEACE, bitch!" Rick laughs. "Man, those Peace Corps girls are so easy!"

Who is this guy? When did he become a walking GREEK STEREOTYPE.  It must have been
during that phase when you were making a future for yourself.  If you could go back now, you'd do it all different.

Yep, you definitely would have been a Mechanical Engineer.

 

Latest Headlines

Old Boyfriends, New Tricks by
Simonne Cullen
Relationships are like puppies: so cute and simple. Only difference is, you can't give that puppy back when it grows into something serious.

Open Wide for World Peace by
David Nelson

You can learn a lot about certain cultures by snacking on some of their favorite foods. Did you know Asians are fishy and make you vomit?

An Idiot's Guide to Her Sexual History By Nick Gaudio

Here's how to figure out your girlfriend's true number. Because Sexual History is one class your college doesn't offer... at least not yet.

Blowing Out Your Greek Stereotypes by Dan Opp
Forget what you may have heard... in the middle of the night while trying to
sleep. Our fraternity is an up(keg)standing member of the community.

A Stripper's Favorite Sci-Fi Scenes by Bunni Cayne

Bunni the Stripper (Nate's break-up contest winner) reveals her top... sci-fi movie moments. She can blow up my Alderaan any day!

Ten Things That Happened to Our Favorite Fairy Tale Characters After Their Stories
Ended! 
By Vin Doctor

1. Red Riding Hood: Married a lawyer from Chicago
and cheats on him so much.

2. Cinderella: Chained up in the Seven Dwarfs punishment cellar along with Snow White and Lara Croft.

3. Pinocchio: Can anyone say "sex change operation"?

4. Goldilocks: Breaks into apartments to pay for drugs.

5. Mother Goose: Shoved into a nursing home and shares a piss-scented room with Old Mother Hubbard.

6. Emmanuel Lewis: Still not growing.

7. Humpty Dumpty: Chased by a group of teenagers and BB-gunned apart.

8. Papa Smurf: Currently stuffed and on display in the Egyptian wing of the British Natural History Museum.

9. Peter Pan: Loves cock. 

10. Fat Albert: Buried somewhere in a piano box.

Top Undetermined Amount of Reasons Why Only Lists Get Published in the PIC E-zine

By Dan
McDonald

13. Ladies love lists. What can I say? My lady (if I had one that is… oh god I’m so
lonely…) would primarily love me for my list-making ability and nothing else.

12 (maybe):  Lists are easy. Look at me! I’m a drunken idiot, and I can make a list! I mean come on, if I can
do it, anyone can. That’s not true, but everyone says it, and who am I to not jump on a bandwagon.

11. The Fonz made lists… didn’t he? I mean someone as cool as the Fonz must have made plenty of lists!  How else
do you think he got so much 1950’s ass?

10. Umm… The 10 Commandments? Yeah, no reply to that one, eh? Even god makes lists, get used to it.

9. (This spot reserved for a slightly more witty comment then the previous one, but not as good as the next.)

5. What? Where did 8, 7, and 6 go? In your mom’s vagina. That’s right, just go and check, I swear that’s where they
are, and they’re good ones too.

4. Pirates make lists. And if you’re not a pirate, go fuck yourself (Mikey should be providing a link to my previous
pirate-filled list any time
now...).

3. Shit, this is really a strain right now. Fuckin' rum.

2. Points in Case lives off of lists… and does anyone want Points in Case to die? No? I didn’t think so! But to be fair, I
can’t really think straight anyways.

1. Mikey is one of the foremost experts on lists, and flattering him in my number one reason is sure to make this get to the e-zine. I
really wish I could grow a beard like that… too bad I have the facial hair capability of a pre-pubescent girl.

 

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The PIC E-zine is edited by Mike Faerber. Interested in writing an article
for the e-zine? Email him at mikey@pointsincase.com.