10.) So sleep with Gaudio, then use your super duper powers torationalize it. (Why am I pushing for this?)

9.) Ah, cookie and shy smile day, the elementary precursor to the now infamous Steak and Blowjob day.

8.) How about manners AND violence? I particularly like to give a swift punch to the ovaries combined with a "no offense."

7.) Depends on the felony. Arson can be a good time for everyone!

6.) Those puny attempts at being punny make me want to pun-ch something. However, I'm still opunly amused.

5.) Sorry, I got distracted by the phrase "suck it up."

4.) A dick in a box! Bonus points if its original owner still doesn't know it's gone. Triple points if you've found Gaudio's long lost member.

3.) This is kind of like the pot calling the kettle a creepy redhead.

2.) Short Version: You've got a friend in me! Long Version: You remember that cute guy from English class? Well, we're both really drunk, and one thing's led to another...

1.) Get it? IN me? No? Damn.