David (not verified) on October 5th, 2006:
Great first chapter, I can't wait to read more.
The only thing I found confusing was whether or not the girls were on the elevator from the beginning or not. You said the doors opened and the two girls walked OUT. Does this really mean in to the elevator? Or does it mean in to the hall, and OUT of the ...
Fuck it. You used "adequate tits" in a sentence, and that alone is good enough for a publishing deal in my opininon.






