One thing that most people either appreciate or despise about me is that I have a tendency to bluntly call things like I see them, regardless of the fallout. What’s fascinating to me though is that no matter how many times I do this, it is usually met with genuine surprise from people who have known me for years. Even here at Points in Case, where I have clearly outlined exactly what to expect from me, people still seem to be taken aback when I write something that challenges general thinking. I mean, come on people, the description of my column is "Sarcastic, eye-opening observations from someone crazy enough to tell you the truth and leave you questioning your own reality." So it should really come as no surprise to anyone when I say, "Is it just me, or was Steve Jobs kind of a dick?"

iSuck Apple Mac logo
iSorry, iJust calling it like iSee it.

I know it is supposedly in poor taste to speak ill of the dead, but the way I see it, Steve Jobs didn’t want people to be PC, especially at a time like this. Besides, it isn’t like he cared in the least about social etiquette, and let’s face it, neither do you if your iPhone usage is any measure. Everyone keeps extolling about how he revolutionized the way people interact with each other and technology, but who are you really kidding? What Steve Jobs actually did was build really cool gadgets that single-handedly DESTROYED the way people interact with each other. Here’s a Flash for you, not actually talking to people is about as revolutionary as using Adobe as a building material. What Steve Jobs did was create an army of narcissistic, self-centered, self-absorbed, zombie clones by sucking their very souls into his world like Shang Tsung.

Look, I get it, you like your iPad/iPhone/iPod/iMac/iCrash, but the emotional outpouring over this guy’s recent death has made me consistently want to stab you people in the iRepeatedly. Since when did Steve Jobs, the arrogant asshole who made it impossible for people to do what they want with music they purchased, become Mother Freakin’ Teresa?! All I hear about now is what an enlightened visionary he was and how he made everyone’s lives better. Let’s not forget that this is the same guy who didn’t donate any of Apple’s revenue to charity because he thought he could do more good by expanding his own company, rather than by focusing on charity, especially once he was diagnosed with cancer. Yeah, real enlightened and visionary-like; I hope the irony of him succumbing to pancreatic cancer (PC) wasn’t lost on him in the end.

iSad Apple Mac logo
About the state of ACTUAL human interaction today, which was Steve Jobs’ ACTUAL legacy.

A lot of you might think I’m being really inappropriate, but come on, it’s not like I denied paternity of my first born child, allowing her to be raised on welfare or something. It’s not like I’m doing something that douchebaggy, like claiming to be sterile in order to skirt parental responsibilities and then going on to father three other children later in life. It’s not like I’m parking in handicap spots on a regular basis just because I’m a self-centered asshole with a godlike complex who thinks I can do whatever I like. It’s not like I claimed to be a leader in providing people access to information and then tried to censor ALL BOOKS by a publisher of an unauthorized biography about me. It’s not like I spent my life claiming to be a forward thinker and visionary, but ran a company with a long history of no female executives. Although I suppose one could argue that Jobs did make up for his lack of female executives in the end by naming one of his gadgets after a feminine hygiene product.

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Now I’m sure all of Jobs’ creepy hipster acolyte drones were more touched than one of his products’ screens at the turn out for those bizarre, cult-like digital candlelight vigils held at various Apple stores, but honestly I think those fanboys were a little touched to begin with. I mean we are talking about a guy who exploited a loophole in the United Network for Organ Sharing (UNOS) system to get a liver transplant faster than other people. Very likely, there is some poor dead bastard who didn’t get a much-needed liver transplant because Steve Jobs used his billionaire status to essentially cut in front of him. I doubt that Steve Jobs said, "iSorry" to whomever he put six feet underground for all intensive purposes, but I like to imagine that their tombstone said, "iDied because of Steve Jobs."

Apple iPod coffin - buried electronics
iFail to see why Steve Jobs deserves a liver more than anyone else.

All I’m asking for here is that the world try and get just a little perspective, shall we? The week before Steve Jobs died, Wangari Maathai, the first African female recipient of the Nobel Peace Prize, died after a long struggle with cancer, and you people didn’t say shit. At best, Steve Jobs was an iCon who made cool toys and gadgets, not the second coming of Christ. If we as a generation are going to claim to be on the cutting edge of advancements that make the world a better place, we might want to start acting like it. I’m not glad that the poor sod died, but I will say this, at least now I know the answer to the age old debate of which is more susceptible to fatal crashes, Mac or PC.

Steve Jobs' tombstone
iHope you all pull your heads out of your asses someday, maybe there’ll be an app for that.

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