Rihanna and Chris Brown: The Police Report in Script Form

EXT - CALIFORNIA - NIGHT

A rented Lamborghini speeds down a Los Angeles street. In the car are Chris Brown and Rihanna.

CHRIS BROWN: "You ready for me to give you that massage when we get home, sweetheart?"

RIHANNA: "You bet, baby."

CHRIS BROWN: "Aw, that's my pookie bear. My soul blushes when I talk to you." He blows her a kiss. She catches it and puts it in her pocket. He is interrupted by his "Umbrella" ringtone going off. "Excuse for a moment, baby, I seem to have received a text message."

RIHANNA: "I'll get it for you, honey. You're driving."

CHRIS BROWN: "Aw, thank you, sweetie pie. I love you so much. You are my all and my everything. Oh, I almost forgot, I got you this gift, you know, just for bein' you..." He reaches in the backseat while Rihanna checks his phone.

CHRIS BROWN: "Well, why don't ya open ‘er up, babe?" He holds out the gift for Rihanna, who is looking at his phone still, and has frozen in shock and does not grab the gift from him. "Honey.....honeybaby?" CHRIS BROWN squeaks.

RIHANNA slowly cocks her head over to him. Deep in her eyes you can almost see a fire burning.

RIHANNA: "Excuse me, who the FUCK is Shelia?"

CHRIS BROWN: "What, darling?"

RIHANNA: "Don't you fucking call me darling. WHO..THE..FUCK..IS..SHEILA?"

CHRIS BROWN: "My friend, babe."

RIHANNA: "Nobody sends a three page text message to someone they're ‘just friends' with, you fucking cheating prick."

CHRIS BROWN: "Whoa, settle down, baby, come on. I would never cheat on you."

CHRIS BROWN and RIHANNA stare at each other, deep in each other's eyes. Eventually RIHANNA's frown becomes a smile.

RIHANNA: "Aw, I can't stay mad at you..."

RIHANNA opens her gift. It is a teddy bear with a heart sewn onto its chest.

CHRIS BROWN: "You like it, princess?"

RIHANNA: "Yes. Thank you BEAR-y much. Ahaha."

CHRIS BROWN: "What the fuck did you just say?" He screeches the car to a stop. The tires screech as the car goes from 70 miles per hour to 0 in less than a second. "Get the fuck out of the car with your fuckin' puns and shit."

RIHANNA: "What? Honey, what?"

CHRIS BROWN: "You heard me, cum dumpster. No lame puns allowed in my Lamborghini. You think you're a comedian, now, HUNH? Huhn, YOU THINK YOU'RE A FUCKING COMEDIAN OR SOMETHING?!" He leans over and opens her door and start pushing her out. "What the fuck?" She doesn't fall out because she has her seat belt on. Chris Brown keeps pushing her. "What is this shit?"

RIHANNA: "It's a seat belt."

CHRIS BROWN grabs her face and slams her head against the passenger window. RIHANNA turns to look at him and he punches her in the eye. He starts driving again.

CHRIS BROWN: "Shut Up And Drive, right, bitch? Huh?! Bet you regret that song now, hunh?" He continues punching her in the face with his right hand while steering with his left. The car swerves back and forth, either because he's steering with one hand or because he swerves when he punches.

RIHANNA's mouth starts to fill up with blood, until it becomes full and teeth and blood flow out of her mouth. Blood lands on her clothes and the inside of the car.

CHRIS BROWN: "Watch out! You're getting blood all over this car! It's a rental!" he says as he punches her in the face as hard as he can.

CHRIS BROWN: "I'M GOING TO BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF YOU WHEN WE GET HOME! YOU WAIT AND SEE!" he screams, as though he hadn't just beat the shit out of her and was postponing it until home.

RIHANNA frantically calls her personal assistant and leaves a message asking her to get the police. When CHRIS BROWN realizes what she's doing, he freaks. "You just did the stupidest thing ever! NOW I'M REALLY GOING TO KILL YOU!" he shrieks as he starts punching her again. She puts her hands over her head and her head between her legs to protect herself. CHRIS BROWN starts punching her arms. During the barrage of punches, RIHANNA sends a text to her other personal assistant. CHRIS BROWN realizes what she's doing, grabs her cell phone, and throws it out the window.

RIHANNA, at this point severely bruised and bloody, can do nothing to stop the ruthless wrath of CHRIS BROWN. But she does not give up. RIHANNA reaches over to CHRIS BROWN's lap, picks up his cell phone from it, and tries to make a call. CHRIS BROWN takes this opportunity to show off his driving skills once again. He puts RIHANNA in a headlock with his right arm and grabs the steering wheel with the other.

CHRIS BROWN: "Say uncle! Say uncle! WHOO THE UNDERTAKERRRR!!!"

CHRIS BROWN pulls RIHANNA's head close to his.

CHRIS BROWN: "Mike Tyson, bitch!" he yells as he bites her ear.

CHRIS BROWN stops the car in front of a house on June Street. RIHANNA snatches the key from the ignition and sits on it. CHRIS BROWN, once you get him going, he will not stop punching. He starts punching RIHANNA in the face and arms. He puts her in another headlock because you can never give too many headlocks, and she probably was out of control at this point.

The headlock is applying severe pressure to her throat. RIHANNA starts losing consciousness from being choked. In a last-ditch effort, she reaches up and tries gouging CHRIS BROWN's eyes. He bites her fingers. He releases her from the headlock but continues punching her. She puts her back up against the passenger door and her feet against him to try and push him away. He starts punching her legs and feet without mercy. RIHANNA, now bloody from head to toe, starts screaming for help. CHRIS BROWN leaves the vehicle and walks away.

RIHANNA, used to the comforts of deserved fame and fortune, used to being served and worshipped, used to #1 singles, million-dollar-paychecks, luxury beyond words and money beyond comprehension, who just the other day hired a new landscaper, now sits in a car in extreme pain, every square inch of her battered and bruised, drenched in her own blood, screaming, screaming for someone, anyone to please help her.

(True story.)