Valentine's Day Countdown

Time remaining before it's too late for dinner reservations:
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You'll know it's Valentine's Day on campus when the guys are making a mad dash for 7-11, hoping to score one of the few remaining
roses slumping in a bucket by the cash register.



Meanwhile, the girls are ripping apart their dorms trying to find
their skankiest panties. Soon they'll be confronted with the wilted 7-11 rose, often accompanied by a traditional heart-shaped box of chocolate candies. These
chocolates, apparently filled with whatever See's could scrape off the sidewalk in front of the bus terminal, are sadly destined to be spit into their wrappers and
thrown in the general direction of the trash can.



And so begins the most romantic night of the year.



I'm busy preparing for a glamorous Valentine's evening with my Siamese cat. We're pulling out all the stops this year: low-fat popcorn, flannel penguin jammies,
the works.

Now I want to hear about
your worst Valentine's Day experience. If it's pathetic enough, it will be featured in next week's column. And it's gotta be worse than
sitting at home alone with your cat, because I've already got that one covered.



If you want to ask someone out this Valentine's Day, but you're not sure how to phrase it, here are a few inspiring questions I've received from readers. To test
your romantic prowess, see if you can guess which ones won't get you slapped.

Good luck!

-Nicole

 

Will you make out with me?

Bill

 
Will u have sex with me in a caboose or a train car?

Andy

 
I don't have a question but I do think you're funny, and I want to go on a date with you.

Brian

 
What's your stance on hooking up with someone you met online? Would you like to hook up sometime?

Myrtle Beach Bum

 
Can I fuck you hard and nice?

Jake

 
I was wondering, I want to take you to dinner sometime. Would you be willing?

VShape