Happy Super Bowl

Later, when my father got home from work, I informed him that my teacher had told me that the Super Bowl was not a holiday.



“Teacher’s don’t know everything,” was his reply.



Now, there is still as much truth in that statement today as there was then. Teachers don’t know everything. And the Super Bowl is a holiday. I don’t care what
anyone says. It’s true. And I feel like proving it.

"The Super Bowl is the highest rated show every year. How can this not be a holiday? I defy you to tell me that this, the holiest of holy
Sundays, is not a holiday."

Like any good holiday, the Super Bowl offers food, friends, family, and festivities. I would leave it at that, but this column needs more
words. So without further ado, please allow me to illustrate my point (wow, I got really polite there for a second—excuse me while I slap a woman’s ass and get
back into character).


Food



Depending on the gathering and the group of Americans in question, only three meals could possibly ever dwarf the Super Bowl spread. (By the by, one of my Uncle
Scott’s greatest running jokes involved him looking up at the first person who said, “That’s quite a spread,” in reference to the food at a SB party
and then him replying, “No, seven points seems about right.” Gambling humor. You just can’t beat it.) Those meals: Christmas, Easter and Thanksgiving. No
other holiday (besides those three) has more food than the Super Bowl. Even Fourth of July barbecues just can’t compare. So, it follows then, that if the Super Bowl
offers more food than a holiday like Independence Day, then the Super Bowl must be a holiday. Still don’t believe me. Read on. Go on. There’s more words and
stuff. I promise.


Friends and Family



Much like every other holiday, the Super Bowl always brings friends and family together. However, unlike most holidays, the Super Bowl has no religious influence of any
kind. In other words, during the Super Bowl, we can get together with friends and family and not feel guilty for getting completely wasted. Furthermore, because everyone has
a major distraction (i.e. the most important football game of the year), they’re more interested in getting along (arguments drown out the game and detract from its
enjoyment, and so negative, dramatic behavior simply will not be tolerated at your typical Super Bowl party). So there you go. Football brings people together and makes them
get along. (I sure hope someone’s reading this to you, President Bush. A lot of the world’s problems can be solved with football. And you think I’m
joking.)

Festivities



The Super Bowl has more festivities than any other holiday. Hell, the countdown to the new year is ten seconds long. The countdown to the Super Bowl lasts two weeks. The
Super Bowl offers an endless stream of parades and gatherings leading up to and following the game. If you combined New Years, the Fourth of July, Thanksgiving and
Christmas into one three week span, you still wouldn’t have as many parades, gatherings and celebrations as this one game produces. Furthermore, just look at the
television. There are more Super Bowl related programs than there are Christmas programs (source: total guess). I mean, for crying out loud, the Super Bowl is the highest
rated show every year. They even use it to kick off brand new commercials. How can this not be a holiday? I defy you to tell me that this, the holiest of holy Sundays, is
not a holiday.



Seriously, don’t backtalk.



Because it offers all the necessary food, festivities friends and family to qualify, the Super Bowl is an American holiday. And since it’s on a Sunday, we can call
it a holiday without demanding a day off from work and school (though I do believe we should all get the following Monday off, but whatever…I’ll settle for the
necessary recognition). All we need to do is just agree that the Super Bowl is a holiday, and it becomes one (kind of like how we all decided that Nickelback sucks because
it’s true).



So, allow me to kick this bad boy off.



Happy Super Bowl, everyone. And to all a good night.

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