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Whatever's Clever
Whatever's Clever
>>> Primal
Urges
By staff writer Nathan DeGraaf
November 30, 2005
|
Sharon: You’re not really
gonna submit that as a column, are you?
Nathan: Sure, why not?
Sharon: Because it’s really weird.
Nathan: Hey, I gotta be me.
Sharon: No you don’t. You really, really don’t.
See that moron over there? The one with the long hair, grabbing the grass with bare feet, eating a Twinkie and jammin’ his tunes?
That is one lucky dude.
You see, I know him, and he’s lucky because he’s as stupid as stupid gets, as ignorant of societal norms as a bear is of a desk
jet printer, and just genuinely too thick in the head to remember his coat in the winter.
Which is why he’s so happy.
He never worries about the future or what he’s capable of. And if he fails, he just shrugs, lowers the bar and moves on to lesser things. Because ambition is his venom; it’s the wind nowhere near
his wings.
Come to think of it, he don’t have wings. But whatever.
His motto is, “whatever’s clever,” only he doesn’t know what that means. He picked it up from his friend Danny, who lost his memory in a car
accident. Danny said that line a lot when people reminded him of things forgot. And so it stuck into the simple mind of the most relaxed dude in all mankind.
“Whatever’s clever” is what he does, when not searching for a simple buzz.
Now some will say that there will come a day when our story’s dude will become unhappy with himself. A day when he will realize that his life has passed him by, and
that he’s nothing more than an empty old man with a tear in his eye. But not our dude, no way no how. I know that man and I’ll tell you why there’s no
way in the world that he’ll ever really try.
You see, he’s found the secret of happiness, or at least, the secret for him. He’s found out that if you want nothing, not even
to live, then every day’s a blessed joy, every
breath a forbidden sin.
So while those around him work and toil to become better people with bigger spoils, he laughs and lounges and drinks and dines, waiting for no one and wanting nothing at
all.
They call him a loser, a sinner, a liar. They call him a
stoner, a drunkard, a louse. But he hardly notices for he doesn’t care about the opinions of others who may be near.
But they carry on and he carries on too, doing whatever’s clever to get the day through. And he has more smiles and he has more laughs than every great thinker,
professor or dumbass. He enjoys it all and raises his drink to you: “A toast. Here’s hoping you get the day through.”
As you struggle to become better at whatever you do.
|
20 Comments
it rhymes? kind of...
I guess its whatever floats your boat, gets your rocks off, or gives you a buzz, right?
Am I right?
That is a lovely scenerio, but the reality is, it takes little more than an idealistic view of the world to spend your life laughing, lounging, drinking and dining, and not have to work hard to earn that priviledge.
you are a douche
hm... being called a douche by someone who's too big of a pussy to leave a name, that one might leave a mark.
not one of your best columns IMO, but nice to shift gears every once in a while
And here's a toast back at you.
Nill illigitimi carborundum
this whole you-must-be-a-pussy if you dont leave a name is ridiculous. okay steve, you're super macho for leaving your name. i mean, now we know it was steve who wrote that, and not doug or frank or dan or bob.
nathan, your articles.. i just dont like them. i dont know, the strip club thing, the drinking thing, the to-do list for women.. they're just so bland and unoriginal. i understand this is just a college humor site, but that doesn't force you to water down your talent and type generic crap. this one, though a "shift in gears" to be sure, looks like a faintly lyric poem you wrote for a middle school writing class or something.
lately i simply click on your articles to read the comments, because the defense you raise as to your entitlement as a writer is always funnier than the article itself. the logic behind the use of sterotypes as the "point" of the to-do list is definitely my favorite.
Joe, you're not a pussy anymore. Just an ignorant asshole. Maybe you spend a little more time sending in writing samples instead of criticizing someone who they actually let write for this site.
Just a thought.
just a worthless thought.
Cheers Nathan, cheers
I strive to be that guy
fun fun fun.
the farther i get in pharmacy school, the more i want to be this guy.
Guess what!..... You're going to die!
sadly nobody can ever not care that much-- the ones that say they don't usually, either say it to succumb to some other group, or are just high and also say the purple elephants talk to them.
I like when you talk like this (even if it is rhyming) as opposed to the "look at me look at me im a male" crap.
how's the guy pay for the beer?
Hum I liked it- makes you think
see thats why i like your columns, and not justins, even tho i read his too, occasionally, and his high school sports issues need professional help.. check out my comment on his latest article, youll like it, keep pimpin nate
hey joe, you're a bum.. but its just my opinion.. you prolly agree with justin that he shouldve got his money back.. er his parents money back, when you guys get out of school, enjoy real world, year 1. i'm on 6, so i don't care for any of your hardships anymore
I really liked it. It was different and has a good point to those who take life to seriously.
:)
Hey Nate, is this what you want to be when you grow up? If so, you've got the drunkard thing down pat. :-)
Anyone who got a middle-school message from this piece probably still has a middle-school state of mind in general. This was a nice stray from your normal articles (which are sometimes dumb, sometimes really funny, sometimes generic college humor) and it shows that you do have something to say beyond the drinking/women/college-related thoughts. Good work.
My uncle is in his mid- 40's, and he's well read and insighfull and shit. I could even say that if it weren't for the self- education and his daughter he could pass through life without paying a heed to anyone or anything.
Anyways, reading this post just reminded me of the last conversation I had with him on the subject of happiness and how to get it and shit. He basically put it this way, be simple.
Simplicity is bliss and if you can master it you've got peace of mind.
He said people <i>want</i> simplicity, and it's very hard to get.