About Points in Case
At a Glance
PIC is the largest online college publication, featuring original comedy articles, columns, blogs, and funny college quotes daily. But the ladies tell us it's not the size that matters, it's how well we tickle the funny bone. So please forgive us for trying to make you laugh at all costs.
Signup for PIC!
Create a member account now to track your comments/submissions, mark your favorites, contact writers, customize your profile and more. It only takes a few seconds here.
Recent Comments
| Author | Comment | Article |
|---|---|---|
| China (not verified) | i love cocaine | How to Be a Drug Dealer |
| Samantha (not verified) | that was awesome. xD | I'm Here for the Gang Bang |
| Anonymous (not verified) | lol thank you man for making | Bored Out of My Mind |
| V (not verified) | one of the best articles | Fixing the Economy: Shoot the Hostage |
| mike yuen ken paahana (not verified) | hahaha i tell all the girls | My First Girlfriend |
Welcome to the Neighborhood
Welcome to the Neighborhood
>>> Primal Urges
By staff writer Nathan DeGraaf
November 16, 2005
|
Russ: How’s that chick
know your name?
Nathan: Thin walls.
Russ: Well, that would explain the scowl she just gave you.
Two years ago, I came home from work to find the following letter taped to my door.
Dear Neighbor:
I know I have no idea who you are. I am sorry that we had to meet this way but I think that you and I need to talk. I have just moved into this apartment complex and I
know you are used to not having a downstairs neighbor.
However, since I moved in two weeks ago, you now do have a downstairs neighbor and I would really appreciate it if you would start acting like it. I would very much like
the following issues addressed.
Issue 1: The world is not your trashcan so quit flicking cigarette butts and apple cores and god knows what else off your deck. It is
disgusting and rude.
Issue 2: Quit shaving your head on your deck unless you put down a drop cloth or something. I have your disgusting hair all over my deck. Seriously, who raised
you?
Issue 3: The walls and ceilings in this building are very thin, so please try to use some restraint when fornicating with Liz, Jen, Julie and that woman you refer
to simply as “goddamn whore.” I understand that you lead an active social life, but I do not need that life crashing down on top of me when I am trying to
sleep. Not coincidentally, you could tell your women to be a little quieter as well. You seem to be into the kinky stuff. Why not try a gag on one of them, specifically
Liz?
Issue 4: Though I think it is great that you have so many musically talented friends, I really wish you and they could spare me the Four AM practice sessions.
Granted, they are better than your Four AM sessions addressed in issue 3, but they nevertheless keep me awake and I take school and work very seriously. Perhaps your
friends and you could try making beautiful music at THEIR homes for a change.
Issue 5: I know you have been in this neighborhood a lot longer than I, and I realize that you are friends with almost everyone in the building. I am sure that you
are a great guy who everyone loves to converse with; however, conversing does not necessitate shouting across hallways and up and down stairs at all hours of the night.
You may not believe this, but at two o’clock in the morning, some people do not want to hear you arguing about who may or may not be the best quarterback in NFL
history. By the way, the phrase “Manning is as
overrated as overrated gets” makes absolutely no sense. Something or someone can almost always be more overrated than it or they may be right now. But
that’s not important. No matter what phrases you use to settle these controversies, I would still prefer that they not be shouted while I am trying to sleep.
Issue 6: Fireworks are for outside only. If I hear any more explosions, I am calling the police. Perhaps they can deal with your
bizarre lifestyle.
If we need to discuss any of these topics, simply leave a note with a phone number where you may be reached on my door. Here’s hoping that we will not have any more
problems in the future.
Sincerely,
Janine.
In response, I put the following letter on her door:
Dear Janine:
I apologize wholeheartedly for five of the six issues addressed in your letter. From now on, I promise to use a drop cloth when shaving my head, an ashtray when smoking, a
quiet voice and acoustic guitar when after midnight and fireworks only while actually outside of my apartment. Please allow my deepest apologies. This neighborhood is not known
for its studious and serious residents, and I am very surprised to discover that one actually lives below me.
As for issue 3, I am not altering my sex life because it may occasionally wake you. If you are the brunette I see walking that pug who wears the red ribbon in her hair
(your hair, not the pug’s) then perhaps you should pay me a visit and we can work on the noise problem together.
Welcome to the Neighborhood,
Nate.
Hey, you didn't forget Nate has a blog did you? Because that would be a sad day in
self-promotional history.
|
22 Comments
great response nathan. i love your column!
oh my god, you are so cool nate, seriously, fuck me now, you pimp of a player. call me goddamn whore and make me strip you masculine man of muscular meat. you are just so hot, and uber cool, i mean look at these columns, my god! make me scream my god in person!
my god!
Whoops, I got a little carried away with that last one. Sorry I didn't leave my name.
Well... did she pay you that visit or what?
Manning is as overrated as overrated gets. Makes sense to me.
John Elway is the greatest QB ever, there really is no need to discuss this issue.
Hey Marino, what about Bradshaw?
He really is, Justin. I can’t wait until he actually has to come from behind and win a game. Watching Manning in a high pressure situation is like watching a paper Mache car drive in the rain.
John, she never paid me a visit. In fact, she started a fight with my friend, Liz. And when Janine moved out, she honked her horn a whole bunch and gave me the finger. This is what happens when you put a snobby bitch in low rent digs.
Chad, thanks for picking up the slack on that gutless anonymous comment. And anonymous, what do you want me to write about? Seriously, I’m open to suggestions. After all, you’re so creative with your sarcastic comments, I’m sure you could help me out.
Thanks Tracey.
Nathan, you may be a little bit of an asshole. But you're funny as hell so anonymous can get over herself. Maybe she wants to hook up with janine. *laughs*
That was unbelievably hot. That's it. It's time to meet my neighbors.
oh my gosh. that last part was amazing. lol.
awesome job. =]
Did you just make up a fake letter that made you sound cool and then make up a cool fake reply? Did you just do that? Really?
Lameo.
James, I wish I understood why you gave a fuck. The main question should be whether the shit is any good or not. At any rate, I edited the letter a little, but it still happened (it was hand written and she was mad). But if you question the validity of the piece, then you won't take my word for anything anyway. So thanks for reading. And fuck you.
Thanks Marienella and lonecomic.
i kinda like that word uber. its super!
its great to see girls attempt to insult another girl, especially if its only possibly a girl, as in the case of anonymous. the lesbian card is flashed immediately.
mariah, you're just so typical.
*laughs*
well, it seems after that to do list entry, you have made yourself some mortal enemies, who wont give you an inch even if your shit is funny.
That is the sign of a good writer, congrats!
reminds me of the time this indian chick at my apt. complex left a note telling me not to park my HUGE SUV (which was an explorer, something I wouldnt exactly call huge) so close to her piece of shit dodge neon. Needless to say, I said I was sorry and proceded to urinate on her door handle every time I got piss drunk!!!
Completely fabricated or not.....this column cracks me up.
Nathan: it's not that I give a fuck exactly. I mean, posting a reply to your nonsense takes all of two seconds. I read your "piece" thought it was silly, posted that it was silly (and quite made up).
As for it being made up....it's clearly fucking made up. First off, the letter from the girl is written in your style both in terms of grammer and in the use of the list format you seem to love so much. Second, it's way too fucking long. If the letter was hand written it'd be on multiple pages. Are you suggesting that this person taped a stack of pages to your door? She wouldn't slide it under? People tape notes to door, not giant fucking opuses.
But, of course, you're right, it's not about all that really. It's about whether or not it's funny. Well, it's not. Let's recap your article in two sentences or less:
So this girl wrote me a leter complaining about all the cool things I do and all the girls I fuck. So I said "well maybe you'd like to fuck as well".
I can't imagine how that's even supposed to start being funny. See, and that's where the "made up" part becomes important again. If it was funny it'd be okay but since it's not funny and the only content seems to be "Nathan humps lots of chicks and shaves his head", the fact that you made it up is just beyond pathetic.
Loser.
I think James is pissed because he needs to get some...
If you don't give a fuck why write an essay?
The fact that you consider my longer-that-usually-but-not-all-that-long-really post an "essay" explains a lot. Granted my reply was slightly longer than your two sentence repost but that's just 'cause I have more time on my hands due to a less hectic circle jerk schedule.
i got a similar letter on my apartment door one time: "stop throwing parties or we will call the police. -neighbors" hmm...not so similar i guess.
funny article, made up or not
James - I think that pretty much any joke is less funny when you boil it down to the actual premise. The way stories are told is generally what makes them funny.
Nate - amazing article. I could care less whether it was true or not; it was still funny enough to make me laugh out loud several times through the course of my read.
Post new comment