You are a Fucking Idiot

>>> Up Shit Creek
By staff writer Michael Curtiss
January 17, 2007

Hey you. Yeah, you over there. I really want to tell you something. You’re a fucking idiot.

Yeah, don’t laugh, because I’m completely serious. Do you listen to yourself talk at times? Oh, you do? Does that makes you want to kill yourself? Because it makes me want to. No, not listen to you, kill you. Because you’re a fucking idiot.

See that rock over there? That rock is smarter than you are. It lacks a central nervous system, brain, and any form of discernible life and it’s still smarter than you are. Do you understand the ramifications of being less intelligent than an inanimate object? It’s pretty bad. I could pick up that rock and throw it at your head and you would become smarter. Not because a blow to the head would make you smarter, but because the rock’s intelligence would just rub off on you. That’s how much of a fucking idiot you are.

Yeah, I heard you talking about politics, and you’re not an intelligent human being. No, I really don’t give a shit what your political stance is, because chances are, you have no fucking idea what you’re talking about. Please, don’t tell me how much you dislike George Bush. Nobody fucking likes him. You have all the wrong opinions for all the wrong reasons. Oh, you took a political science class in college? I’m totally impressed, except for the exact opposite of that. And you know why I’m not impressed? Because you’re a fucking idiot.

"I would rather throw on some K-Fed and snort a line of coke off a transvestite’s boner than be in your presence."

Oh, you’re a vegetarian huh? This is too easy. I really don’t even want to go there, but I will. Why don’t you eat animals anyway? Because they taste too delicious for your simple mind to understand? Oh, that’s not it? I see… you don’t eat animals because of the way they’re slaughtered. Listen up: cows sit around all day eating grass and taking shits. I don’t really think a cow gives a fuck when it’s killed. Have you ever tasted how badly grass tastes? Of course you have, because you’re a vegetarian, which makes you a fucking idiot.

So, have you seen any good television shows lately? Oh, but of course you have. Do you know how I know this? Because everything on TV now is a piece of shit. And you’re a piece of shit. And you’re the smelliest of all the pieces of shit. Seriously, how do you live with yourself? You just sit around all day drinking beer and making fun of people. Oh wait, sorry, that’s what I do. We’re getting off topic; you’re the fucking idiot here, not me.

You did not just ask me that question, did you? Did you really just ask me who my favorite celebrity couple was, Tom-Kat or Bran-Gelina? If I had a gun right now, I would pull it out and shoot myself in the head. I would shoot you, but you don’t have a brain, so it doesn’t matter. Hey, I just got a totally awesome idea! Why don’t you pursue an acting career and move to Hollywood! Yeah, I know, super idea. You would definitely do really well. Just kidding, you would fail after two weeks and resort to prostitution to support your rampant methamphetamine addiction. And why would that happen to you? Wait for it…. because you’re a fucking idiot.

Smell that? While you were crying, I took a dump on your foot. Gross huh?

I decided to take a dump on your foot because you paid enough for those shoes to support a middle to lower class family for a month. Do you have a soul? Or is it just a black hole that completely envelopes all conscience thought and rationale until you are nothing but a meaningless shell of a human. I’m guessing the latter of the two. Again, I know this because your sunglasses are worth more than a unicorn horn encrusted with diamonds. And you have no idea of this. Because you’re an idiot. A really big idiot. Maybe even a fucking idiot.

Now, I’m not usually this mean to people. There is just something about you that makes me go nuts. I would rather throw on some K-Fed and snort a line of coke off a transvestite’s boner than be in your presence. I actually like doing that sort of thing, but that’s beside the point. The point is that you’re a fucking idiot. Quite possibly the fuckiest of all the idiots I have ever met. And for that, I have written you this column.

More from PIC:

i have to say that i look forward to your column, but this was really dissappointing

You're probably a fucking idiot.

Well I thought this was great. I tend to feel the same way about a good portion of the people I interact with on a daily basis outside of my good friends.

"Smell that? While you were crying, I took a dump on your foot. Gross huh?

I decided to take a dump on your foot because you paid enough for those shoes to support a middle to lower class family for a month."

Absolute gold. Nice work.

you're my hero.

but this is just a drunken ramble

nice work.

"Smell that? While you were crying, I took a dump on your foot. Gross huh?"

Best line from it all.

Love it =]

I noticed nearly all of the links were to nick gaudio articles...

no vegetarian would buy brand name sunglasses. get you facts straight, curtiss.

Actually Bena, you would be surprised at some of the trendy little people where I live. So get your facts strait. Twat.

Smell that? While you were crying, I took a dump on your foot. Gross huh?

Everyone praised this line before I got a chance to. But goddamn was it hilarious. Good stuff

I kind of want to print this out, make it into a flyer and hand it out to 90% of the kids on my campus.

Nice work, dude.

Why do you only respond to people who don't praise your work. Why not thank those that enjoy it, rather than defend it to those to have already made up their minds?

And i did enjoy it very much.

Why do you only comment on how I only respond to the negative comments?

Because, dear, you should not worry about people who don't like your stuff. Why don't you spend time addressing people who spend time praising you positively.

See, you're still commenting on it. Dear.

Your point, Mr. Curtiss?

Great work, this just kind of a shout out to all the fucking idiots in the world or someone in particular? If so, whom?

It was written for Shelly. Just kidding, I was actually at a party one night and had the opportunity to interact with people like this. I went home after the party, and wrote this extremely intoxicated.


All kidding aside, I'm glad you enjoyed the article Selly.

Thanks, i did. lol. However, "dick suckin' sluts" is easily my favorite. You have some weird thing happen to you, dear. Keep turning them into good articles, and I'll make sure to keep reading them...

Hm. Usually your articles are beyond entertaining, but this makes me think you're the fucking idiot. Step it up.

i do this too sometimes (the whole ridiculous rant thing), although i don't articulate myself nearly as well or for as long as you do.
which is why i read this site, and don't write for it, i suppose.


last time i checked anyone could rant and throw insults around, im not impressed

I completely agree with this and it's pretty much the truth. However, I'm willing to bet serious money that you would hook up with said women and continue the proliferation of "fucking retarded bitches." Word of advice... date someone from another country... it will save you a lot of stress.


You deserve a standing ovation.

this article sucked butt. However, you're good at making out.


From a vegetarian that wears designer sunglasses, and nice shoes.
If you had have walked in the shoes of someone who was raised with no money and as a vegetarian and still faces daily discrimination from pieces of shit like you that think they know better than me because they eat something that ran around a padock once, you might have a different opinion. You probably wouldn't though because you're a fucking idiot...
How pathetic are you that you have to ridicule someone because they can afford to spend their money on nice shoes and sunglasses. I bet you're such a fucking biggotted idiot that you'd be calling them a hippy if they couldn't afford nice shoes and sunglasses, that's because you're a fucking idiot.
I actually found this article because I googled how to pick out a fucking idiot, with your thoughts and opinions it looks like I found it.
I bet you're such a fucking idiot you think G W Bush knew wtf he was doing, and you probably tried to vote him back in...

I've no idea what this fucked up website is but if congratulates pieces of shit like you it's probably not going to be around very long, enjoy it while it lasts you fucking idiot...

If I ever met you I'd have to fight myself not to punch you in the face...

PS I think you're got some latent homosexuality issues you've got to work through there, (snorting crack off a transvestite's boner) who but a fucking rampant faggot would even think of that.
Fuck you, you fucking dickhead
Hope getting a reaction like you were looking for makes you feel a little more justified...

Haha sean is butthurt.

You spelt "discernable" wrong. People who live in glass houses, even if that house appears to exist in the seeming rarefied air, shouldn't throw stones. Unless they are the givers of intelligence you spoke of briefly. In which case, it would be in your interest to eat one.

haha classic dude. good shit there

You sir, deserve a "shiny".

LOL anonimous like shiny things. what a fucking idiot

great work keep it up

lol hes mad at people who can afford nice shit what a douche

your on the next train to auschwitz you jewish bastard