The Blue and the Gay: Why We Should Re-Declare War on the South | Points in Case

Ok, I admit, that was hilarious, and I make fun of the South for the same things, but don't knock the South until you've lived in it for a while. There are a lot of great things about it, and (after getting over the embarrassment of being there), Civil War reenactments can be kind of fun. Just to explain, those are done mainly for educational purposes. Oh yeah, and hockey sucks anyway. I don't know why Southern states even tried it, we all know football is a way of life and the only sport around here. Anyway, I like your bitterness, but I had to defend the place where I live.

I am from SC, which I bet you consider the hotbed of redneck, inbreading pigfarmers, but not everyone is like that. Personally, I agree about everything you said about the Civil War, Hockey and Bush. Really, that damn confederate flag isn't even the actual flag of the confederacy. Can't they at least use the real one??? We're not all like that though. It's just the really gross trailer trash, sister loven' hicks that ruin it for us. By the way, isn't Florida home to retired blue-haired Yankees who drive 20 below the speed limit and who are to blind to see the poor defensless pedestrian they hit on the way to BINGO?

YOU JUST WROTE THAT ARTICLE TO GET A RISE OUTTA YOUR LOYAL READERS. AND I WON'T GIVE YOU THE PLEASURE OF THAT FROM THIS KENTUCKY GAL.

hey buddy, i'm sure we could come up with a bunch of generalizations about boston too.

hey, why don't you have your pictures so everyone can see your face like all the other writers on this site? something smells a little fishy to me.

Just out of curiosity, do you count Dallas as part of the south?

ok, so the south does have a few flaws, but i dont think we are so bad that we y'all need to declare another civil war on us. i agree with E, who posted earlier, if you haven't lived here dont knock it. its those few retards that ruin it for the rest of us.

Hey, I'm a loyal reader. And I've got to say I'm a little turned off by this article. I mean, I know it's sarcasm and overgeneralizations, but the South isn't really that bad of a place once you live here. I don't think there are that many trailor trash, wife-beater wearing, sister fuckers left or at least I don't go to the same places as they do.

stupid ass yankee aint got nothin better to do then mess with the south, get a life

Generalizations? Sarcasm? Fine. I normally have no problems with your articles. However, your heavy insults against the entire lower half of America and Christianity are a bit much. Calm down, there.

oh dear god. I have never laughed so hard in my life! ( i am one of the 24 hockey fans left and I AGREE!)
The people need from the south need to learn how to make fun of themselves. It is their own fault they have this stereo-type in the first place. Let your family tree branch out God's sake.
I have business majors and hondas too!

I HATE business majors and Hondas
oops.

Yay! Boo on the South. Yea, I know, I go to school in Louisiana, but I'm from Minnesota. Texaz stole my hockey team! I WANT MY NORTH STARS BACK!

Hahaha! You'll NEVER get them back! the DALLAS Stars bring this awesome sport to a place that would otherwise know nothing but the Cowboys and the Mavericks (we stopped counting the Rangers as a team when Nolan Ryan retired). And keep in mind that a the south does have TRUE hockey fans that aren't Bob Jones University attendees and who have family trees that aren't straight lines.

i usually love your articles and agree with them whole-heartedly, but this time i think you went a little too far. i am sure that you don't need me to tell you are one-sided because you'd probably admit that you are very openly. but i just wanted to say that this way less than stellar article disappointed me since i'm usually used to reading quality articles.

Hey, it don'matter to Jesus.

You should try lower Michigan and Indiana before you totally diss the South. I am originally from Ohio and OH MY GOD, I have never see a larger bunch of cow lovin' rednecks in all my life. They actually get fair days off. A whole week because everyone who is anyone in Michigan back country society will be there. Hell who need an education, most of the Damn sophmores are onlder than I was as a senior.

Daytona Beach, Florida is hardly the south. I'm disappointed in your generalizations and insults. Usually they have some factual foundations like those of the Yankees. These, however, are empty and carry no weight and as a result are not humorous or entertaining unlike your previous work. Next time you write about the south have something more to go on than preconceived notions and assumptions for example real experiences rather than what you saw in your drunken stupor in Spring Break Daytona. By the way you forgot to mention the south's love for guns and Charlton Heston.
I hope to see better work from you in the future. Slow down, take your time, writing an article isn't a race.

Point 1: Fuck Hockey, the only reason we watch it in the South is because we love the fights. If it is that big of a deal, take it back.
2: The incest thing is mainly concentrated in shithole border states like West Virginia and Arkansas, so don't blame that on the rest of the South. We hate them too.
3: The confederate flag is not about slavery. If you continue to eat the shit they feed you, you will continue to sound like a dumbass. while slavery was a part of the civil war, the war was actually about inequal representation and taxation and states rights. actually read history, don't let them tell you lies. why would a country go to war for something that less than 10 percent can afford?
4:We like reenactments. remember, we were kicking the shit out of you yankees for the first 2 years.
5:well, i agree about the beer belly/shirt thing
6: damn, how the hell do you have the balls to compare us to Europeans? come back down and say that shit and see what happens
7: Bush is awesome. need i say more?
8: Much of our country was founded on Christian principles, whether or not you choose to recognize that fact. Morality is better than a lack of morality. and none of that relative morality shit either.

And hey, what about the North????
Ya'll are overcrowded like a son of a bitch. that surely can't help the smell. i mean, look at New Jersey, what a shithole. And up North, no one has any manners. it is all about honking and flippin' the bird at people. antagonistic and rude people find their home up north. we like the sun and don't like the cold. apparently ya'll do too and you must be jealous because where do you go for vacation????? Miami, South Padre, Myrtle Beach, etc.
the North deserves to get its ass kicked because nothing good has come out of it since Samuel Adams started making beer.

you're hysterical and your bitter sarcasim always seems to brighten my day. My brother lives in South Carolina right now and after growing up in the North, he is ashamed. Keep up the amazing work with the articles and who knows maybe some day soon we'll get lucky and the south will secede.

~Alison

Justin -

Alright, I'm with ya on some of it...
1. The South didn't destroy the NHL, the teams did. Same thing that was happening to the NFL, same thing that free agency has done to the NBA. When your team has a completely new lineup every season and demands a new stadium every three, the league is headed down the shitter. Boycott pro sports and watch the NCAA, it's immeasurably better.
2. Incest....not gonna get much of an argument here. It's sick as hell. Seems it would have to be a minority of the population because most of the girls I've met from the South were pretty hot...eyes level in the head, normal forehead and such...not indicative of prevalent inbreeding.
3. Agreed. If a guy wants to hang it on his truck, fine...nobody stops someone from wearing a shirt with a swastika on it either. Point is, it has no business over a state capital, courthouse, post office, or dog pound.
4. Re-enactments did always seem weird to me. Quaint, but weird. Agreed.
5. Agreed.
6. Soap is a necessity. Agreed.
7. Sad to say it, but the Presidency is currently a matter of determining the least harmful electable candidate. Bush may or may not have been great depending who you talk to, but for the love of God, the thought of Gore being in power still gives me the chills. Holy shit.
8. Good point on the courthouse. Seperation of Church and State certainly is central to our founding charter, and the Ten Commandments, while providing the backbone for our justice system, are exclusive to Judeo-Christianity. That said, some of this is starting to get annoying...Michael Newdow being the most pertinent example of offensensitivity run amok. IF you're reading this, Mike....blow me. Hope I didn't offend anyone.

I pity your ignorance.

You are just stupid. The flag...WHO CARES it doesnt effect anyone.. Also..Spend about a yr or 2 here..You will see what it is REALLY like. I live in memphis and there is NOT one bit of ANYTHING u said here...You are pathetic and u need to understand more b4 u become a good writer.. I mean yea u can get a job at what..a tabloid (SP) But u cant get a job where u have to be honest and not make generalizations. Just moronic man..

Quit complaining about something you have no idea about. You're just jealous.
THE SOUTH SHALL RISE AGAIN!!!!!

i agree at some points, and i realize this article was meant to be exaggerated, but some things are just flat out wrong.

a> florida, whatever it may have been before, is NOT a "southern" state. there are probably more hispanic people than there are classic southern rednecks

b>i've lived in alabama my entire life and i've never met anyone who "married his cousin" etc..

c> i dont even know where the unclean thing is coming from, but i've seen just as many nasty dirty people in the north as in the south

but 100% agree about the confederate flag, the civil war, and god. although, two MAJOR points you missed were ignorance (even beyond the god-awful grammar) and racism.

I am from massachusetts and fuckin' love hockey. i've never been to the south, and don't plan on it, because i hate mosquitoes.

North = 1

South = 0

put that in your resume and get a job you fuckin' hillbilly's

You went to DAYTONA BEACH, you cheesy bastard.

Your generalizations are idiotic.

In the past I've found your articles to be pretty funny and insightful, but this one is a black mark on your record. Sure there are a lot of folks living in the Southern states that are pretty low down on the social ladder and are the victims of a cycle of poor parenting, poor education and a lack of a broader world view, but the same conditions exist up north and produce a similar but different type of chode up individual as exists down here.

Don't forget that the Civil War decimated this part of the country financially and there are still signs of it left down here.

I live in Atlanta and I'd be willing to put the people of this city up against your slimy, guido, scum sucking yankee asses anyday.

As far as hockey goes... You must be kidding. Lets watch a bunch of people with unpronounceable last names zip around on skates and whack a disc at each other in a futile game where the only moments are when a red light comes while you're passing beer down the aisle and when a WWF wrestling style fight breaks out that looks fake anyway. But go ahead and toot your little horn about it in this article. Just like people who make fun of gays are faggots, you're little article makes me wonder what kind of ivory palace you think you live in up there. Enjoy that wintry breeze fucko.

Whoa, this is late, but anyways...I'm from South Carolina (and most of the time I can say that without cringing, snaps for me). Just so you know, Florida doesn't count as the south, even though it's already been done to death in this comments board.
Ah, OK, I'll admit this whole Church/State thing pisses the hell out of me and it's really true down here. And yes, I would like to take down every goddamn Confederate Flag in the South, but I doubt that's going to happen. And, yes, there is a lot of flashing of beer gut. But the rest of that doesn't really apply. For starters, I've never met anyone who is inbred...however there is this one chick who moved here who might be...bitch. Anyways...a lot of people I know (including myself) don't give a shit about hockey, and the only reason most people show up for those Civil War Re-Enactments is for the beer (the reason anybody shows up for anything really). Everyone down here smells pretty good, most of the time. But you try smelling great twenty four/seven living in 98 fucking degree whether the majority of the time. It's hotter than hell down here. But, I'll hand it to you, this place is a shithole most of the time, fucking racists screwing it up for the rest of us.

Bush can kiss my Southern ass- Liz

P.S. I find you funny as hell.

haha wow that was fucking awesome. ok im a california girl but my grandma lives in cincinnati so ive visited every summer and even lived there for 2 years once. my point: it sucked. i know, i know, it's not that southern but you must remember, im a tree hugging californian whos all about diversity and for the love of christ if i would've seen one more confederate flag i'd have shot someone!! it's amazing, i didnt even kno the KKK still existed til i went there!!! and kentucky, WOW, even worse!!!! im sure the south isn't that bad, this article merely point out the stereo typical prtions but you know what some of it is true!! i mean cmon, i know that the civil war wasn't ALL about slavery and was in fact mostly about taxation and what not, slavery def played a part! i mean hello, if i was getting free labor for years would i want it taken away? the hell i would! moving on to georgia bush, moron. any fuckhole who almost dies while choking on a pretzel only to pass out and get his slobber all over the oval office carpet and is only saved b/c his dog finds him is a jackass. if your the president and you die it should be like getting shot or something. plus hes fucking up our foreign affairs!! now onto the subject of Jesus or God or w/e, im catholic but this annoys the fuck out of me!! every time im in fucking cincinnati all i hear about is peoples stupid youth groups, i dont have to talk about God all the time to believe in him or w/e. and for christs sake quit living in the damn past! yes, you were winning the war for the bulk of it but hey guess what germany was winning the war in WW2 too, do u c ppl running aorund like nazi's fondly recalling "the good ole days" you bet your fucking ass you dont! if you did that youd get your ass kicked! the point is, if the south is so damn great then go make your own country cuz if we had just let you go the first time you wouldve sunk like the titanic!

Your generalizations are funny to an extent. haha. But then I am like wait a second i'm from Virginia. I guess the Virginia is "The South." Though I wouldn't know about this incest, flag, non-shirt wearing, non-soap using stuff you are referring to. Generalizations are great, though I wouldn't live my life by them. I have no desire to move any farther north because I loathe the cold.

haha, i totally got a kick out of this article. im from the south, georgia/south carolina. i move alot..anyways, i fucking hate the south. when i lived in south carolina, yeah it was kinda bad, i mean no hunting, i didnt see many confederate flags, no family members screwing family members...then i move to georgia, and holy shit was i shocked. i live in a small town, and all people do is fucking hunt deer, eat squirrel, and brag about banging their cousin. its fucking crazy, i asked a guy what they do here, he said "we go huntin, fishin, and i gots deer heads and bear heads, and big ole' confederate flag hangin in my livin room" i stared at him, got up and politely left. i agree with you on the most part. no, not EVERYONE in the south is like that. i know im sure as hell not, i really am ashamed of where im from. i tell everyone i know i hate it here and the second i turn 18 im fucking packing up and moving to the north. good job on the article, and for telling it like it is.

ps. i find you quite funny. youre cool

Haha, very nice. If i thought you were serious, i <i></i>might<i></i> be offended. But unlike a few people who read this, i recognize sarcasm and exaggeration when i see it. And hell, i'm from New Jersey, and you know how many NJ stereotypes there are! I find it amusing; people shouldn't take themselves so seriously. Dogma was an awesome movie, anyone who hated it has issues. Anyway, very amusing.

~liz

Delta's ready when you are.

HAH. Fuck the south, its the biggest fucking shithole part of America.

And to anyone who wants to diss on Jersey, go for it, cause we will just fucking show you up in anything.

you are by far the most fucking retarted person i know, first off all the north has the most incest rates of any place in the entire world, the confederate flag had nuthing to do eith racism, if you look back at history your founding fathers owned slaves, lincoln owned slaves, the first state to own slaves was a northern state, general grant a northern general owned slaves as well UNDER THE AMERICAN FLAG, new hampshire and vermont didnt outlaw salvery till 1910 , and as for bear guts..most fo the south is actually dry counties, why dont you go back to school you fucking peice of shit

also ohio and indiana voted for bush, so why dont your fucking people get brains and stop voting for a crackhead peice of shit

I'm from Mississippi, and I do not care about what any non Southerner thanks, I will fly the Confederate flag till the day I die..........GO SOUTH!!!!!

Oh! by the way Northerners suck ASS!!!

Im from Missouri and I hate being assosiated with those southern fucks.
Let it be known I am an Infatryman and consider myself moslty conservative, but half those guys are just fucking retarded. Let them rise again, I say, that will be that many less of them to deal with until Civil War, part Three.

Wow I was really proud of your articles. They where good (if slightly biased) truthful articles. I agree on most of your counts but I am a born central Texan and this kinda hurts. oh well. pretty damn good blog (normaly)