|
May 2008
The
Gift of Farting on Command |
5-8-08
The gift and the curse of being given the rare ability to unleash
the most foul and disgusting farts, on command.
The Fire Within Me - Chapter 4 |
5-1-08
The school candy selling fundraiser reveals a vindictive side to
Katie Keeney, Marine's elementary school nemesis.
April 2008
How to Break Up with a Girl |
4-17-08
The best way to break up with a girl is to be honest with her.
So go ahead, tell her she's fat, annoying, crazy, or terrible at sex.
The Fire Within Me - Chapter
3 |
4-14-08
Things were easy in the asexual, academic exploration of
kindergarten. Until Katie Keeney introduced Marine to stubborn
womanry.
The Fire Within Me - Chapter
2 |
4-3-08
The neighborhood pool is the social scene for most people, but
it's also the stage for mother/daughter conflict in the Keeney
family.
March 2008
The Fire Within Me - Chapter 1 |
3-31-08
The fire, the anger, it’s like a muscle you have to realize and
develop. This is the story of Marine's first flex and workout.
On Male, Drunken Violence |
3-17-08
Wherever you're out drinking, chances are there's a drunk guy ready
and waiting to fight. What causes this compulsive, idiotic behavior?
February 2008
You're Dead, Fatboy! |
2-24-08
As a fat kid and a wrestler, Marine spent a lot of time hitting the
mat. But nothing compared to the pain of wrestling a future UFC
fighter.
January 2008
2007 Video Games of the Year |
1-9-08
From Halo 3 to Super Mario Galaxy, these were the best video game
releases of 2007, including the award for Best Game of the Year.
December 2007
Please Do Not Save the Drowning Dolphins |
12-12-07
The winless Miami Dolphins have done for NFL football what the fat
kid did for grade school kickball: provided an endless source of
mockery.
November 2007
Popular Facebook Application Reviews |
11-23-07
Hard-hitting reviews, grades (A to F), and photos of popular Facebook applications and the misery or benefit they provide.
Facebook Pictures: The Height of
Voyeurism |
11-4-07
Want to track someone's life without ever having to put up with
them? Welcome to Facebook Photos, where spying is as easy as
tagging!
October 2007
Slutty Halloween Costume Theories
|
10-21-07
A girl's Halloween costume can tell you a lot about how she is
in the sack. That should give you plenty more reason to stare.
Enforced Amenorrhea in 2008! |
10-14-07
Even bleeding vagina
liberals would agree, the only true hot button election issue for
2008 is stemming the red tide.
If Halo 3 Was a Woman, I Would Marry Her
|
10-7-07
Video games, like women, have gotten more expensive over time.
Eventually, you get tired of playing both, and have to settle down.
September 2007
Why Movie Remakes and Sequels Suck
|
9-19-07
Today's remakes and sequels are centered on nothing but cashing
in on their predecessors. Too bad that cash cow's always milked out.
Official Guide to Going Back to College
|
9-17-07
Make the most out of your return to school by paring down your
friends, pimping out your wardrobe, and pumping up your game plan.
Love Stinks |
9-3-07
At some anti-evolutionary point in history, a highly abstract
concept known as "love" came into play and ruined all of Darwin's
work.
August 2007
The Land Before Instant Porn Load Times
|
8-27-07
The internet's come a long way since we waited on girls pixel by
agonizing pixel. But do we finally have too much of a good thing?
The Lab Rats and the Eye Piper
|
8-8-07
Naturally, drawing blood samples from a rat's eye without a
needle doesn't sit well with the rat. Only one intern set out to
spare them.
The White Rhino and the Honey Bird Nuggets
|
8-6-07
An unconventional drug dealing method leaves the Rhino's dad
with a free stash. Let's hope he doesn't know real weed from fake
weed.
Jesus and Berg Pull a Fast One
|
8-1-07
Dry season in Potheadville calls for drastic measures. But can
two high schoolers manage to get a sack of weed from the mother of
Jesus?
July 2007
Jesus and the Dragon Bong
|
7-29-07
The rise and fall of the legendary smoking device and its
greedy, hippie owner who eventually paid the price for stoning the
neighborhood.
How to Crash a Party |
7-18-07
Do your research, show up late, and don't forget to come bearing
gifts of drugs or alcohol. Congratulations, you're deep in unknown
territory.
My Life as a Eunuch |
7-15-07
When you remove from a man the desire to have sex on an hourly
basis, you get some surprisingly revelations from two clear heads.
This Column is Rated Family Un-Friendly
|
7-11-07
If women are out working alongside the men, who's at home
raising the kids? We may as well all be living in a pineapple under
the sea.
Overtime at the Hospital
|
7-2-07
Post-surgery means a lot of horrible hospital food, tubes in
tight places, and balloons without nitrous. Yuck, ouch, booooring.
June 2007
Open Heart Perjury |
6-24-07
Don't be surprised if the hospital staff treats you like a first
grader and tells you a few half-truths. Besides, it's just open
heart surgery.
Punnany Econ 101 |
6-20-07
At their core, relationships are nothing more than an exchange
of goods and services. Here's how to achieve an economy of scale.
Women for Dummies! |
6-10-07
Volumes of literature, prose, and philosophy have been aimed at
understanding women. None has come close to this 3-step process.
Tum-Tum and the Pirate Whore
|
6-3-07
Raging whores learn the hard way from T.T. Allibaster: leave
your phone lying around and daddy may find himself in the sexual
know.
May 2007
Beer Goggles 2.0 |
5-27-07
Not even girls are immune to beer goggles. Except that the
female kind affects their conceptualization of how they look while
they’re dancing.
|
