The Limbic System, known for being the most easily pronounceable part of the brain, includes the nucleus accumbens and hypothalamus, known for making your penis get bigger. They are also responsible for every male who reads past this opening paragraph.

Limbic system of the brain diagramBut the Limbic System is so much more than just a bunch of putative structures that allow you to thrust your hardened penis into the warm depths of a prospective female’s various sensation-inducing orifices. It also controls the parts that store these sexual conquests so you can masturbate to them later.

Here, presented in full, are all the parts of the incredible Limbic System, what they do, and how you can use them to get laid:

1. Hippocampus

Without this wonderful piece of cranial anatomy, drunken guys would have a significantly harder time hooking up with ex-girlfriends. Evidence suggests that memories formed here may last a lifetime, so no matter how far removed you become from that surface level relationship back in high school, you can always…

TIP: …Call ex-girlfriend; reminisce over seemingly meaningful moment, commence fornication.

2. Orbitofrontal Cortex

Control this and you could take over the world. More importantly, you could totally finger-bang the hell out of any girl you like. The only problem is that even if you get a good look at your female prospect’s Orbitofrontal Cortex, geometric distortion and susceptibility artifacts can totally cramp your style.

TIP: Invent "Geometric Distortion and Susceptibility Artifact Destroyer," take over world, finger-bang female prospect.

3. Hypothalamus

All this region of the brain cares about is sex and booze, and occasionally regulating the paraventricular nucleus’s vasopressin neurons to the posterior pituitary. If you didn’t quite catch that (moron), the hypothalamus basically produces a need for beer (thirst), condoms (sexual arousal), and beer (hunger).

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TIP: Invent hypothalamus-enlarging formula; fulfill female prospect’s heightened need for beer, sex, and beer.

4. Amygdalae

The amygdalae are almond-shaped groups of neurons located deep within the medial temporal lobe that finally give us insight into which legume God favors most: almonds. Walnuts, I should add, send you and everyone you love stright to hell to burn in a never-ending pit of flames. Glad we got that cleared up.

TIP: Seduce female prospect with deviously-tempting walnuts. Do not eat yourself. Block thought of female prospect burning in hell during intercourse (major mood-wrecker.)

5. Mammillary Nuclei

Besides seriously being named after boobs, these cute little buggers relay impulses from the amygdalae and hippocampi via the mamillo-thalamic tract to the thalmus. Translation: erases memories once severe intoxication has been achieved.

TIP: Make love to best friend’s hot sister; blame impaired medial dorsal anterior nuclei. Repeat.

6. Nucleus Accumbens

This part of the brain is the greatest thing to ever happen to anyone to ever exist. Even aborted fetuses are thankful for the awesomeness it generates. What could this collection of neurons possibly cause to make me to write such a thing? Laughter, pleasure and reward, focusing specifically on food, sex and video games (seriously). The Nucleus Accumbens has my vote for Ruler of the Known Universe.

TIP: Plant electrode in female prospect’s Nucleus Accumbens; place button to stimulate said electrode on tip of penis. Enjoy.

But wait, there’s more!

The Limbic System not only is the sole reason life is worth living, it also gives us a ton of sweet scientific-sounding synonyms for played-out terminology:

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External Hippocampation: to masturbate

Real-World Example:
You: "I can’t go shopping with you; I need to go externally hippocampate."
Female Prospect: "You’re such an intellect Brian; would you like to fuck me later on?"


Orbitex: to finger bang

Real-World Example:
You: "I orbitexed her for over two hours last night."
Female Prospect: "How would you like to perform that slightly sexual-sounding act on my vagina?


Hypothalduction: to seduce

Real-World Example:
You: "I am gonna hypothalduct her so hard tonight."
Female Prospect: "You science guys are very nice to the girls you date; I would take pleasure in you inserting your genitalia between my legs."


Amygdaltation: to tempt

Real-World Example:
You: "Once she sees this, the amygdaltation will be too much to handle."
Female Prospect: "Ever since I heard you utter four consonants in a row I’ve had an insatiable desire to bear your children."


Mammillamas: boobs

Real-World Example:
You: "That chick has the nicest set of mammillamas I have ever seen."
Female Prospect: "My nipples suddenly desire male tongue; would you like to fulfill my need?"

Enjoy!


More in the "Using Your Brain to Get Laid Series":
How to Use Your Brain to Get Laid (The Cerebellum)
The Medulla Oblongata: Your Brain’s Penis