Internet Porn: The Good, the Bad, and the Fucked Up

>>> About Last Night...
By staff writer Ali Wisch
March 8, 2006


I’ve been hearing a lot about internet porn lately. Now that most of my guy friends have their own hard drives and are no longer sharing desktops with mom, dad, and little Suzy, the truth is coming out whether they like it or not. The truth being that they rarely visit inappropriate websites. And by rarely, I mean twice a day; and by inappropriate websites, I mean suckmydaughtersdick.com.

Most guys are pretty open about these porno palaces that they frequent into the wee hours of the night—if they aren’t, a little peek into their Internet Explorer’s history will tell you a whole different story. A story of Jenna and Paris, midgets riding horses…naked, chicks with dicks, and more fetishes than you could count on all twenty fingers and toes combined.

This is a story that I thought only came out of Howard Stern’s mouth and in the bedroom of Samantha Jones…boy was I wrong. I feel like I’ve stepped into the secret realm that men between the ages of 15 and 30 (I’m being nice) have been dabbling in for years—a world I wasn’t prepared for, and can’t be sure I ever will be.

I never thought I would check out porn on the internet. For a while, I thought a good vibrator and an imagination were all a girl needed—wrong again. There are endless possibilities just a mouse click away. So, I’ve divided my thoughts into three categories: the good part of internet porn, the bad part of internet porn, and the fucked up part of internet porn. Let’s start off with…

The GOOD

This is the harmless stuff that keeps guys at bay. While it won’t stop desperate men from being desperate, it can be used as a good distraction to keep horny guys from humping your leg like the dog in Garden State. It is also easily accessible and easy to hide; refer to Justin’s Masturbation Manual for good advice on how to cover your tracks.

Internet porn can also be very helpful to your “real” sex life. If you and your boyfriend were looking for a way to spice things up, I beg you to consider taking a trip to a porn site. You’ll have twenty new ideas in no time. This being said, I would save the sex swing for those more advanced in their levels of experimenting. I’ve heard it can be painful to fall out of that thing.

The BAD

I must say, there are a lot of “bad” parts of internet porn in my opinion. To list a few of the more serious ones: first, you’ve got a bunch of shit involving children, which is just sick. Maybe I’ve been watching too much Law & Order, but the kiddie porn and children trafficking business doesn’t fly with me.

On a less serious note, some porn sites are just tacky. Watching Paris Hilton lie like a dead fish for half an hour isn’t going to give anyone anything but a lawsuit. There are also those god-awful pop-ups. Just when you think you’ve gotten rid of them all, that damn ad for a diamond-studded penis pump/dildo shows up again.

The FUCKED UP

Let’s see, where do I begin? Do I start off by mentioning that there are websites for people who actually enjoy eating their own shit? (And I thought golden showers were bad.) Or do I talk about the men with vaginas? I can’t go into detail about either one of these things because I couldn’t bring myself to click on the link. Trust me, they exist. They’re right alongside the horny grandmas, naughty nuns, and vicious virgins.

While anything in the fucked up department isn’t for me, or any of you I hope, I can now understand what drives college guys, among others, to their computers during various hours of the day and night. And I can now say with confidence, that my computer has definitely lost its virginity.



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how long did this article take you to write, 5 minutes? This had absoultely no thought put into it, it looks like you shit on a paper and liked it.

It's not as bad as all that, but you had a lot of potential here & just didn't wring it out. Wheres the moxie?

Woah there Pope. What were you looking to read? Did you want all the details? Were you hoping she would tell you what it is she enjoyed because I am sure there are some things that Ali likes to keep to herself. Are you dissatified because she didn't list any of your favorite sites or give any specific recomendations? I personally enjoyed the article and believe the only people who should be dissapointed in it are those that disagree with the bad and the fucked up.

Sorry if I dissapointed any of you, I'm new to the world of internet porn.

Im wondering why when i move my mouse over ali's picture another picture shows up in its place?
This is my favorite column by the way.

Jen, It's called a mouseover. It's a common trick used in building web sites.

And the pop-ups can almost always be avoided by using Mozilla FireFox instead of Internet Explorer. Get it from mozilla.com for an almost sure way of avoiding the pop-ups when you're playing with your hard drive.

James the Fifth,

I didn't say anything about wanting details... I said it sucked. The idea sucked, the writing sucked, and the conclusion or lack thereof sucked. As of the mouseover, I wish that it hadn't been discovered or shared with the general public. It is like the two face episode of seinfeld. The first picture Ali actually looks pretty hot, but the second one she looks like the morning after a heavy night of drinking coupled with the walk of shame back from the maore tribesmen's hut.

Clever. james the fifth. you probably thought about that for about as long as your parents debated having your abortion. All I was really trying to say is that there is constructive criticism and then there are assholes like you who get off on making other feel bad about themselves and their work. Critics - offended by the fact so many people enjoy something they don't like.

i love the article ali. kevin pope is lame and probably ugly

will james and kevin both shut the fuck up. good article ali, from one writer to another it was alright but i'd have prefered it if it was a little longer (no pun intended)

Hmm, I think she looks prettier in the second picture.

I liked the article. Short and to the point. No aimlessness. And James V, why don't you just ask her out? To go off a theme of this article: you're already sucking her dick, just ask for the digits, man.

C'mon, Ali, you can do better than that (and you have). The last 2 articles haven't been very good. You've gone from being a near sexpert to a preacher's wife. I miss the days when you were giving advice on sex, not telling people what not to do because you don't approve.

its funny how some people freak out and call you a slut and others tell you that you should go back writing about sex and those so-called "slutty" things. you just can please them i guess. i love everything ali, you are great. the people who freak out are probably weirdos anyway. cant wait to read more...whatever the topic is

i can't even bring myself to viewing the fucked up sites, a buddy of mine emailed me a url and i visited and the first pic i saw was some fat chic bent over a toilet bowl, puke all over her and shit was flying out of her ass, i think the site was tubgirl.com, i'm not promoting it by all means, i'm just saying that there's guys out there that like straight honest to goodness porn. girls sucking dicks, girls getting fucked, etc. etc.

http://youknowhowiknowyourgay.net

i draw the line at shit and feces, but WHAT do you have against golden showers? you know urine is mostly water, and luckally its mostly golden so its golden water. incase you don't believe me look up any science website or ask any biology major, referably a doctor or med school person.

maybe i have a thing like goldfinger; i love gold. you seem to need more gold in your life. on your face, in liquid form.

This Bitch Is Fucked Up. (Hint: he posted right below me...) And if you cant figure that out go visit him and youll probably find out what i mean...

whats wrong with nun sex? a hot sexy nun is so forbidden that id love to have them slobing my knob.

i was googling the topic, "is porn good or bad?" and found this article; thank you. I agree with your findings 100%

You left out guro (anime porn of bloody mutilated people) from the list of fucked up. That mess is just plain creepy. But not as bad as goatse or shitting dick-nipples... Yes, they exist.

Did you just miss out on bestiality?

Also, you could add those incidences when we guys come across 88 year old grandmas being fucked and being made to suck 20 year old cocks.

Yes all this does become something one can watch, since at times one feels like going away from reality as far s one can. [ or at times coming close to it].

ALSO, smart people use naturist websites as porn resources. This also enables them to have a look at kiddies with their penises and vagina hanging like dead meat.
Nice article Btw.

Shitting dick nipples are tight.
Hang around in /b/ and you'll see worse, though.

tits and assless chaps

the American internet everything real or true is bashed by music bull football, baseball soccer and the news here uses that in place of actual real thought! Owe and weather, and if you post anything to real here the CIA that monitors everything delete it and lets you think it is there but it’s not! As far as porn it sets the stage for imprisonment in your own home because people pay for it there are girls used abused drugged and than discarded like euro trash and new ones are found and the media helps this proses with pay porn on satellite Comcast and the internet that useless lure tactics than says watch this it's clear HD just give me you credit card number and so many do it we are all to blame that do this i do not but i know people do or it would not be there what i wish is free real thought and make real hd sex video's and give them free so that these will be deterred and closed down if people can get it free than they will stop.

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