The Limbic System, known for being the most easily pronounceable part of the brain, includes the nucleus accumbens and hypothalamus, known for making your penis get bigger. They are also responsible for every male who reads past this opening paragraph. Read More »

When guys have a night off from work and the opposite sex, they sometimes like to stay in and watch a movie. I sincerely hope you are not one of those guys.

1-Star Night Read More »

Tired of waking up and exclaiming, "I am fucking HUNGOVER, bro"? Of course you are! You should be telling the girl you picked up some lie about work/school/playoffs and getting the fuck out of there! Read More »

« Back to The 10 Weirdest Places People I Know Have Woken Up Drunk

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5. Middle of the Quad, Half-Naked, Hospital Bracelet Intact

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Waking up on your bedroom floor? No big deal, you fell out of bed. Waking up on the couch? Whatever, you passed out. Waking up next to a hobo under the Fremont Bridge with your wallet in the crotch of your boxers?

Yeah, you fucked up.

Here goes—numbers 10 through 6. Read More »

Question: When is it OK to inflict harm upon another? Read More »

Beer,

You make me pee too much. One time I had to pee so bad I peed inside a girl while having sex. Peeing with a boner sucks. Read More »

Sophomore year in college TheBlueDragon worked at the Seattle Waterfront Marriott delivering room service and taking naps in vacant rooms. Occasionally he'd get fucked into working the weekend morning shift at 6:00am where he got the pleasure of waiting outside rooms for ten minutes holding a pot of coffee as businessmen hustled their hookers into the closet. Read More »

Penne is at a bar with his friend Blotch, when he is approached by an enormously unattractive girl. A girl that has fallen off the ugly tree, gotten hit by the fat bus, attacked by the pimple wolves and then mauled by the gnomes of unproportional facial features. She is so ugly that Blotch literally starts laughing as she approaches and has to leave the table. Read More »

A Posthumous Collaboration by Dr. Seuss and Q

After I read the poem below aloud, listeners/fucktards sometimes ask me, "Alex, does this follow the Green Eggs and Ham format to a T? Or did you change some formatting around to make it work?" The embalming fluid practically spews from Geisel's ears in frustration, but I manage to calm him. Read More »

I...am about...to blow your mind.

If you're lucky, I might even deep-throat, but it'll cost you an extra $20.

It's common knowledge that Vincent Van Gogh was a brilliant painter, had an abnormally large forehead, and was out-of-his-fucking-mind crazy.

Or was he? Read More »

Made famous by that one scene in The Water Boy where Adam Sandler tackles his professor, the Medulla Oblongata is responsible for several major autonomic functions of the body. What does autonomic mean? The Encyclopedia Britannica tells us it means "to control homeostasis," which if put into layperson language means "looks like an alien's dick." Read More »

"Here's to watching the sunrise...not because we got up early, but because we stayed up all god damn night." — 2008 Summer Motto

Prelude Read More »

Alcohol can do many things: increase confidence, get you laid, corrode your liver, and make boring people interesting. But did you know it could aid in eternal salvation, save endangered species, and protect otherwise-bludgeoned hobos?

That's fucking right you didn't. Read More »

CAMBRIDGE, MA—In a study released earlier this week, social scientists from Harvard University found that when healthy individuals between the ages of 18 and 32 read more than three chapters of The Imbible they "laughed their fucking asses off." Read More »