Anti-Chuck Norris Facts: Health

Chuck Norris Health Facts:

Chuck Norris experiences heavy flow on account of his wide-set vagina.

Chuck Norris shaves emoticons into his pubic hair.



Chuck Norris' beard is actually a merkin. He can't function without a man's pubes on his face.

It was reported that Chuck Norris had given millions of dollars to AIDS research. After a thorough investigation, the reports were found to be
false because Chuck had actually said, "I've given millions AIDS."

Chuck Norris has fake tits.

Chuck Norris was once struck by a van, and miraculously revived at the hospital. His family sued the hospital.

To get enough protein to feed his muscles, Chuck Norris ejaculates directly into his mouth on an hourly basis. After a doctor told him that semen
has virtually no protein in it and advised him to discontinue the practice, Chuck killed the man with his hardest roundhouse kick ever.

Chuck Norris wets his bed on a nightly basis because he likes the warm feeling.

The National Weather Service once mistakenly issued a Volcano Warning in response to Chuck Norris flushing his toilet.

Chuck Norris once lost to Lance Armstrong in a sperm count.

Chuck Norris founded the PEE PEE Wax Club, but was later kicked out after he waxed his penis down to nothing.

When Chuck Norris jumps in a pond, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet, the water gets terrified.

Chuck Norris employs a legion of Mexican landscapers to suppress the manly wilderness that is his back.

Every time Chuck Norris performs a roundhouse kick, he pops two hemorrhoids.

The number of people who saw Gigli is higher than Chuck Norris' white blood cell count.

Chuck Norris shampoos with conditioner, and then actually repeats.

Chuck Norris' DNA is made up of four leaf clovers, unicorns, and smiles.

Chuck Norris once got an erection. Nobody noticed.

Chuck Norris vs. Jay Leno: Chuck Norris - no lips, no chin. Jay Leno - no lips. Jay Leno by a chin.

A Chinaman once told Chuck Norris that his penis was too small during a karate tournament. A CHINAMAN.

Chuck Norris is proud of the facts that his pubes are longer and girthier than his penis.

Chuck Norris injects steroids into his upper lip, so that it can bear the weight of his mustache.

Chuck Norris puts dye in his beard because he is afraid of grey hairs.

Chuck Norris sits down to pee.

Chuck Norris' vagina is so wide that his thighs don't touch even when his legs are crossed.

Chuck Norris' poo is pure roughage.

Upon hitting puberty, Chuck Norris had a zit on his ass the size of a cantaloupe.



Chuck Norris’ hip breaking was heard across 12 states.

Chuck Norris’ inflamed prostate is the size of a watermelon, and produces really gross shit that has no use in any way in modern
society.

Chuck Norris’ catheter bag exploded and flooded one-third of the United States killing millions.

Chuck Norris once shook my hand. It felt like I was holding on to 5 wet noodles of spaghetti.