The Pubic Hair Problem

Most times when I use the toilet or shower I lose a pubic hair, I either see it fall into the toilet bowl or swirl down the hole in the shower. Now this is natural behavior as we do shed hair on a regular basis but it's the pubic hair that intrigues me. I would suggest I lose on average 2 pubic hairs a day. That equates to 730 on average annually.

With the average life span being 75 years and the fact that we only had pubic hair for say 62 of those years it would be fair to say that a person living an average life span will shed 45,260 pubic hairs.

That's a lot of pubic hair. Do you know what the scary part is?

There are 6 billion people on earth at the moment. That means on average, 12 billion pubic hairs are set free within a 24-hour period. It is mind boggling to calculate how much pubic hair is dispersed into the world on a yearly basis.

So how much pubic hair is laying around the world at any given moment of time?

Hair doesn't break down or decompose very quickly so this means there is a shit load of pubic hair laying around some place. With the majority of it going into sewers it would be fair to say there is a lot of human pubic hair in our rivers and oceans.

Will surfers and beach goers stride from the oceans with pubic hairs plastered all over their bodies one day?

Will the world be over inundated with pubic hair in the future?

Will future generations have to deal with the problem of discarded pubic hair cluttering up streets and our cities?

Imagine a future where pubic hair is banned and adult humans have to shave by law and put their unwanted pubic hair into special receptacles so it doesn't get into the environment. We might be faced with random groin inspections by pubic hair police or the PHP, as they will be known as.

"Excuse me miss" flashes badge "My name is Saxon from the PHP, this is a random groin inspection would you mind dropping your panties so I can get a visual please"

That might be a fun job actually.

Is this a problem in the making? Have we as a community gone about our lives all these years letting this problem build and get worse? Will pubic hair cover the ground one day? Imagine mothers all over the world saying, "Wipe that pubic hair off your shoes before you come in here, I just swept and mopped the floor"

I wonder if this problem will be Armageddon? This may be Gods plan for the end of human civilisation.

Suffocation by pubic hair.

Perhaps there really are six horsemen and not five, Death, Famine, Plague, Pestilence, War and Pubic Hair Fatalities. I wonder if the churches have theories on this?

So with the interest of mankind at heart I suggest we start a government funded organisation called the Bureau for Understanding the Moderating of Pubic Hair Undermining Civilization.

Or as I like to call it BUMPHUC.

We will get governments all over the world to supply us expensive taxpayer funded offices to operate from. This will most likely take many years to discover any conclusive evidence. In fact all founding members will be long retired or dead before any results are demanded. Kind of like any government department really.

These offices will be staffed by Investigative officers dedicated to studying the affects discarded pubic hair will have on the earth's future. Expenses will be high but I'm sure all governments of the world would concede the need for such a task and supply generous grants.

I myself will lead a small crack team investigating the life cycle of pubic hair on women between the ages of 20 and 40, this will mean the laborious task of inspecting female groins the world over but it will be my intention to leave no panty unturned.

BUMPHUC needs you.

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