Hot Dead Girls & CSI

Let me start by saying that I Love CSI. I watch the CSI that comes on Spike TV every night at 7 and 8pm. Sometimes it comes on at 9pm, too. I TiVo the newer episodes that are on CBS every week. I watch as much of it as I can. I just saw Jorja Fox's Stuff spread while at a friends house taking care of my business in the bathroom. Wow. I didn't ever really think of her as that hot, but nothing says lovin', like some fine penis rubbin'. Wait, I'm at work. No naughty thoughts.

Gary Dourdan is a cool too. Well, I don't know him personally but he plays a cool dude on TV. Warrick Brown is like the epitome of the calm and collected officer that we come to expect in the world of cliché network television. If I were to want to be a black guy and a CSI, this is who I would to be. Of course, in reality I would be Greg, the nerdy awkward white dude, exchanging his unexpected introspective views on the world matter-of-factly, or David the quiet assistant coroner. I want to be the black guy, dammit! I never get to be the black guy.

George Eads (Nick) is always mocking me with his porno mustache. I hope it gets caught in a zipper somewhere along the line. Cursed with a baby-face, I walk this fine line of fan-dom, bordering stalking.

CSI has been pissing me off lately as I have noticed an interesting trend. Why are the hot girls always dead? I know that the show cannot add a new character every week. Sometimes, there are hot chicks that manage to survive through some flaw in that week's script. But for the most part, the show follows this formula, in the opening moments of the show: Hot chick lies in bed / goes to car / leaves for work / gets newspaper / is taking a shit, when stalker / creepy guy / amputee midget / alien warrior prince sees hot chick. Culprit then rapes and or murders hot chick with a soldering iron / wooden leg / piece of gravel/errant bottle rocket. Then, we as the viewer are forced to see said hot chick on the cutting board. With the short attention span that I was cursed with, 15 minutes into the show I have forgotten whether or not said hot chick had a nice rack.

Maxim or Stuff should do a spread of all of the hot chicks that have died on the show. You hear that Maxim? You can use my idea if you haven't already. I know I thought of it first and there's no sense arguing with me. I refuse to search and see if anyone else thought of it. So, before I am accused of plagiarizing, let me refute that claim by saying I don't care.

So the next question is posed by reversing words in the previous question. It's a disturbing question and I think that you, my wonderful audience, may know where I am going with it. I brought the question to my roomate's attention, and he came up with this one. Hell, it's good for a laugh, especially out of context. So at your next family reunion, Christmas dinner, bridal shower, group orgy, or funeral, ask this:

Why are dead girls always so hot?

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