Types of College Students

Most of us have been exposed to some sort of formal education in our lives. My formal education has thus far been up four plus years of college. I'm sure all of us can agree that we've come across several species of fellow students. In high school, apparently now it's "preps," "goths," "punks," "skaters," and "everyone else." In my classes, I didn't see any of that, but there are several categories that college students break into.

1. The Over Achiever - We all know this one.

2. The Zealot - This guy has an intellectual orgasm everytime he catches the professor in a slight mistake. Takes the class way too seriously; as if he'll get crucified if he doesn't get an A. Thinks he's a Chemical Engineer in 4300 Calculus when he's probably a Philosophy major and he's in freshman level math.

3. The Girl With the Weird Name - You know this one.. first day of class, professor is calling roll.. he says "Z-.." and looks up with a puzzled expression, and some girl red in the face says, "Zaprena", or something to that effect. Such a girl was in my class; her name is 'Cherytie'. Pronounced 'Charity', but in every class, someone succeeded in calling her 'Cherry-tie'. Although hilarious, it's a shame.

4. The Under Achiever - Gotta love this one. Just sits in the very VERY back of the class and appears to be zoned out the whole time. Especially funny when the teacher randomly calls on them.

5. The Apathetic Upperclassmen - Usually come in pairs, two seniors or juniors who just want to pass with a C and proceed to read the newspaper for most of the class.

6. The Horny Boyfriend/Girlfriend Pair - These two sit together, usually with the guy right behind the girl, and the guy proceeds to poke and tickle the girl during the whole class, or they hold hands. Either way these people make me sick

7. The Intruder - The guy that sits next to the Boyfriend/Girlfriend Pair and attempts to get in on the action. This guy's almost always a loser.

8. The Homosexual - Simple enough, but there are two kinds. One keeps to himself, the other attempts to use the class as a platform to propagate his homosexuality and such.

9. The Lesbian - Same as #8, but 'herself' and 'her' for 'himself' and 'his'.

10. The Lesbian Couple - Every guy's dream (if they're hot).

11. The Homosexual Couple - Every guy's nightmare.

12. The Feminazi - Hates men, Advocate for female equality, Hippie.

13. The Future Attorney - Argues every point made in class to the point where everyone starts throwing shit at him.

14. The Addict - Starts fiending and shaking, usually for cigarettes, sometimes for harder drugs, halfway through class. Can be irritable.

15. The Quiet Girl - Never talks, probably masquerades as a superhero on weekends.

16. The Guy Who Just Woke Up - Shows up 5 minutes late to class in the clothes he wore last night. Usually sleeps through the class.

17. The Stupid Bitch - This chick makes it a point to ask at least 50 questions a class. It doesn't seem to matter that half of her questions have been answered or that they have nothing to do with the topic at hand.

Did I miss any?

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