Earlier this year I wrote one of my favorite posts called “You Might Have a Big Penis If…” Many of you continue to leave cool additions to the list in the comments section, but let’s face it, most people are more concerned about whether they have a SMALL penis. This post is for those of you who aren’t quite sure if you measure up.

At this point you may be asking me, via yourself, “Court, has your penis shrunk since January? Is that why you’re writing this followup?” To which I would pre-emptively reply, “Unfortunately, it hasn’t. Why, has your mom been complaining of stomach pains again?”

You Might Have a Small Penis If…

-If you sort through hundreds of emails in your spam folder every week, vigilantly marking every penis enlargement ad as “Not Spam”… you might have a small penis.

-If women refer to your happy trail as the “trail of tears”… you might have a small penis.

-If you’ve never been able to figure out what the slit in your boxers is for… you might have a small penis.

-If you’ve ever passed out at a party, woken up with a giant “8” on your forehead, and thought somebody drew your cock and balls from memory… you might have a small penis.

-If you’ve ever opened a condom package and rolled the condom up tighter before putting it on… you might have a small penis.

-If a man at a bar has ever seen you, talked with you, felt your crotch, and STILL mistaken you for a woman… you might be a transvestite. Don’t worry, this is just less work for the doctors later because… you might have a small penis.

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-If girls affectionately refer to giving you a handjob as “pushing your button”… you might have a small penis.

-If you think deep-throating is just a musical skill practiced by bass vocalists… you might have a small penis.

-If you’ve ever tried to cave your penis in on itself, and succeeded long enough to have inverse cock sex with a man… you could probably be making a lot more money right now by opening your own porn fetish website. Good thing those male enhancement pills didn’t work because otherwise… you might not have a small penis.

-If you agree that 6″ is average penis length, because you insist on measuring your penis from the top of your pubes… you might have a small penis.

-If you’re Asian… you might fall victim to a stereotype. Let’s hope it’s not the one that says… you might have a small penis.

-If you refuse to watch porn because it’s “totally unrealistic”… you might have a small penis.

-If you refer to the part of your penis below the head as the “neck”… you might have a small penis.

Add your own in the comments!

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