Following up on the recent roommate penis situation, I'd like to identify those times when you know your OWN penis is probably more than you can handle. And since I'm from Alabama, I feel it's only appropriate that I adopt the comedic style of Jeff Foxworthy. Without further adieu,

You Might Have a Big Penis If…

-If you find women in general to be shallow, but not because of their personalities…you might have a big penis.

-If you have to go to the pantry to measure your manhood, because that's where the yardstick is…you might have a big penis.

-If your girlfriend frequently gets a black eye during sex, and it's not the result of an abusive relationship…you might have a big penis.

-If the doctor said, “Here comes the head!” when you were born, followed by “Here comes the shaft!”…you might have a big penis.

-If you occasionally receive natural male enhancement spam email, and have never ONCE opened one out of curiousity…you might have a big penis.

-If you're looking for a fake microphone to hold while singing along to the radio in the shower, and the first thing you grab is your morning wood…you might have a big penis.

-If you have ever sensed that the dildo sitting on your girlfriend's dresser is steadily growing more and more jealous of you…you might have a big penis.

-If you have ever admired Ron Jeremy for anything other than his penis…you might be gay. Don't worry, other men will probably like you because…you might have a big penis.

-If people ask you if that's a gun, or if you're just happy to see them, and you usually respond with “neither”…you might have a big penis.

-If you've always thought briefs were just something to hold your balls…you might have a big penis.

-If you finally felt empathy for your last girlfriend after hearing about workers suffocating to death in a mine shaft…you probably have a big penis.

-If you drop your pants for a testicular exam, and your doctor coughs before you do…you might have a big penis.

Add your own in the comments! Then read “You Might Have a Small Penis If…

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