I've had a hangover since around noon today. It is currently 10PM. I have ran two miles, umpired two games, drank eleven bottles of water, eaten three meals, crapped twice and gargled my mouth with mouthwash five times today.

And my hangover is still here.

Now, I know that hangovers get worse the less often you consume alcohol. And I also know that hangovers have a way of affecting healthy eaters more than junk-food eaters, but still? this? this is some bullshit right here. I'm not even going out tonight, I feel so bad.

What does this have to do with football? Nothing. I'm just too hungover to think about anything else.

On to the picks. HOME TEAMS in CAPS.

PANTHERS (-4) over Falcons
I wonder what Atlanta fans have been doing on Sundays this year.

Vikings (+6) over PACKERS
I wonder when Brad Childress will make Purple Jesus team captain.

CHIEFS (-3) over Broncos
I wonder why Arrowhead Stadium is so tough to play in.

Bills (-2.5) over DOLPHINS
I wonder who's starting at QB for the Bills this week.

SAINTS (-11.5) over Rams
I wonder how long until Linehan finally gets the axe.

STEELERS (-9.5) over Browns
I wonder if the Steel has the balls to beat the Pats this year.

TITANS (-4) over Jaguars
I wonder which of these teams will win a game in the playoffs this year.

Eagles (+2.5) over REDSKINS
I wonder what the hell will happen in Philly if they lose this one.

Bengals (+4) over RAVENS
I wonder why any parent would name their boy, Carson.

Lions (+1) over CARDINALS
I wonder if they'll really win ten games.

Cowboys (-1.5) over GIANTS
I wonder why any sane person would pick the Giants to win this game.

Bears (-3) over RAIDERS
I wonder if the Radiers realize that their fans are more intimidating than their team.

Colts (-3.5) over CHARGERS
I wonder how many times the word “commercial” appears on Peyton Manning's off-season calendar.

49ers (+10) over SEAHAWKS
I wonder why the Seahawks have such a hard time covering the spread.

I'm going to bed.

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