We Need to Go to Darfur

Darfur: everything you've heard about this war-torn country, if anything, is true...and worse.

A step past genocide, Darfur is in the midst of a gruesome civil war, a struggle for oil between the educated rich north Sudan and the poor black south. Everyday, millions of innocent people are slaughtered in a bloodthirsty ethnic cleansing, a modern-day Holocaust.

...Have you ever seen a porno that didn't start out this way?

Darfur has to be the perfect place to pick up chicks. Just look at the stats.

At least 39% of Darfuris required emergency food assistance in 2005. So who do you think would be the first guy these people would fuck if you parachuted out of a helicopter with huge bags of McDonald's?

How wet do you think these bitches would get if you came down the road swiggin' bottles of Fiji.

We could totally get laid in Darfur. It would be the easiest lay since Fabio walked in shirtless to a nun school.

You do not understand how horrible things are over in Darfur. 400 citizens die every single day. These chicks would be grinding on you the second they realize there's a possibility, a faint glimmer of hope that you'll rescue them from this wretched, desolate land, and away from inevitable, imminent murder.

Darfur rarely gets national media attention. The Bush administration, funded and run by oil companies, IGNORES Darfur and even wants a piece of the oil action. The cost in human lives, compromised morals, and bloodshed, would be overshadowed by the enormous profit. So the government and the media keep quiet on Darfur, not only refusing to help out in Darfur, but refusing to even acknowledge the genocide's causes and consequences. So you know these Darfuri sluts would be ALL over us if we just gave them a little attention, asked them how they were.

Lord knows we need to get our dicks wet. Let's take a trip to Darfur (it's only $32 one-way). We'll be beating off women with sticks!