I'm Going to Kill You

Hey there. BITCH. I'm going to kill you. I'm going to FUCKING kill you. And everyone else in this Toys-R-Us. I mean this Chuck E. Cheese. I mean this Sunnyview Daycare Center. Oh, strip club.

Are you sure this ain't a Toys-R-Ussssohh damn look at those titties! TITTIES TITTIES TITTIES!

Oh God I'm like a kid at a candy store! I'm like stealing candy from a baby! I'm a baby stealing candy from itself at a candy store! I'm like a baby stealing candy from itself and stealing from the candy store! TITTIES!

Anyways, I'm sorry. I never properly introduced myself. I'm the National Football League's Dallas Cowboys' Adam "Pac-man" Jones, and I'm going to fucking kill you. Hi.

I'm just gonna go on a crazy drunken little killing spree. Looks like you'll be in the middle of it. Nothin' you can do. Don't worry though: I'm going to kill you.

It's not a question of if. Or when. Or why. Or how. Or who. Or what. Or where. Or what was that one uncle on Full House's real name? It's actually not really a question at all. It's more of a...whaddyacallit? Titties? No. 'Statement,' I think. I don't know. I didn't major in English. And by "didn't major in English," what I'm saying is I didn't graduate the 4th grade. I went straight from the 3rd grade to the NFL. I was 20 at the time.

Don't forget...I'm going to fucking kill you. Murder. Set your alarm.

I just killed a stripper just by looking at her. No, but think about how many people I've killed. Think about how many dead strippers are taking up space (precious little space) in my basement. I mean I barely have room for all my scrapbooks!

I just killed a stripper while blowing your mind right now.

Hey..why haven't I killed you yet?

Well - just remember: no matter where you go in life, no matter what you do, I'm going to kill you during it, along with like 10 strippers.

WHY HAVEN'T I KILLED YOU YET? This is actually starting to bug me. You know what, how bout I go get someone to shoot you, how does that sound? K? K buddy?

Don't worry, I'm getting around to killin' you. There's just a waiting list.

Please feel free to fill out a "Pac-man Jones Hasn't Killed Me And Everyone Else Around Me" complaint card. Here, there should be some in my trunk. Oops, nope, just some dead strippers. Goddamn these dead strippers are starting to get on my nerves. I'm going to have to kill them.

I'm sorry for any inconvenience. Please be assured that my #1 priority is to kill you, and all ya'll motherfuckers. I'll kill all ya'll. I'm going to kill every single person in this city.

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