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Nathan DeGraaf's picture

Will This Chick Make a Point?

It's Friday; time to rip on one of the worst pieces of writing ever to make the mainstream.  Katynka Z. Martínez is writing about something.  I just don't know what.  Her words are in bold.  But that doesn't make them any less infuriating.  Read More »

Casey Freeman's picture

Bouncer Wisdom: Disguises

(Who is this masked man working the door at my neighborhood bar????) Read More »

Nathan DeGraaf's picture

Nothing Funny

They call him Street Corner Kid, which is odd to me because he's got gray in his beard and those old man eyes that seem to tell you two things:  I've seen it all and I wouldn't mind another beer.  I pull a beer from my brown paper grocery bag and hand it to him; he takes it silently, cracks it open and takes a long hard pull, his Adam's apple bumping up and down like a buoy in rough seas.  < Read More »

Jeremy Stewart's picture

The Jesusification of Stephen Strasburg

"And God so loved baseball that he gave his one and only son, so that baseball in D.C would not perish."

-MLB 3:16

Jesus?  Read More »

Nathan DeGraaf's picture

The Snippets Got a Plan

Wiggy: Are you gonna finish eating that?
Me: That was my intention when I purchased it.
Wiggy: And now how do you feel about it?
Me: Pretty good. I think I'll meet my goal.
Wiggy: You can spare a couple fries, can't you?
Me: I can.
Wiggy: But you ain't offering me none?
Me: Don't look that shocked. I don't like you. Read More »

Nathan DeGraaf's picture

I Would Like to Talk to You About Your Breasts

Hello there.  What's your name?

Really, that is absolutely awesome.  I wish my parents had named me after a character from Greek mythology. 

Of course I know a little of that stuff.  I may not be the brightest but I like to think I have a rudimentary knowledge of the classics.  Who's your favorite author? Read More »

Nathan DeGraaf's picture

Observations Like a Marinated Pork Tenderloin

When that dude flew his plane into that IRS building in Austin, Texas, my first thought was, "You know, if you want to create a terrorist movement that the American citizenry will get behind, you couldn't pick a better target than the IRS."  My second thought had something to do with pork tenderloin Read More »

Gavin Pitt's picture

Go Cry, Emu Kid

Bonjour, Big Birds!

Today, your Accident-Attracting Antipodean Auteur once again spent some time being taught some fucked up life lessons at the School of Randomly Bizarre Happenings, which I have been unwilling enrolled in for some time now, and which apparently holds weekend classes. Here's some highlights from today's curriculum of chaos. Read More »

Casey Freeman's picture

Bouncer Wisdom: Chewing Tobacco

Yeah, it's a disgusting habit...

(Yeah, it's a disgusting habit...) Read More »

Casey Freeman's picture

Please Make Me the Netflix Spokesperson

I heart Netflix

Dear Netflix,

I adore your service. Because of you, all I need to do for entertainment is walk to the mailbox and update my Queue—which I do more than I check my Facebook profile. But I've found a way to make Netflix even better.

Send porn randomly. Read More »

Court Sullivan's picture

Everything But the Bare Essentials

Avanti Bare CondomsIn the course of shopping for fine china, I stumbled upon quite possibly the the funniest (serious) review I've ever read on Amazon. In reference to the Durex Avanti Bare condoms, madmaeve's review "too tight" says: Read More »

Paul Frank's picture

My Rejected McSweeney's Submission

Today I have for you some comedy sloppy seconds. I submitted a piece to the comedy website McSweeney's, but I guess it wasn't pseudo-intellectual enough or whatever. Here it is, you be the judge.

The Genitals of the Future
by Paul Frank
Read More »

Casey Freeman's picture

The Reason Why

The reason why my socks smell like weed and my weed smells like laundry detergent is...

I keep my weed in my sock drawer. I know. Surprising. Get over it.

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