Okay, by far and away the funniest thing from Friday’s spelling bee was the kid who thought he got the word(s) “numb nuts” and said so out loud. Not a top five moment in bee history, but definitely in the top fifty.

Erin Andrews has more business at the spelling bee than did last year’s “sideline reporter” Stu Scott. But not much more.

Are all of America’s little geniuses being home schooled?

Being a white blond boy at the spelling bee must be similar to being a black guy on an NHL rink. You probably never feel totally comfortable.

In my office, I’m the dude who people call on to spell words. Mainly because I can type them into Google faster than they can.

I swear, like just about everybody, I used to know how to spell well. But then computers came along and spell check became a way of life and then I discovered girls and partying and before I knew it I was perfectly happy letting Bill Gates’ company handle words like verisimilitude for me.

My new neighbor has an eight week old puppy. Sometimes, life just pushes cute on you.

The words that kids spell in the spelling bee often come under my definition of useless words. I deem any word useless if its definition has less syllables than the word itself.

In this year’s spelling bee, the kids were subjected to a lot of words regarding very specific varieties of types of culinary grub that I had never heard of. I think somebody high up on the word picking chain has caught the cooking bug.

(Note: the above paragraph may very well be the geekiest thing I have ever written. History and all that.)

When I misspelled the word that got me knocked out of my junior high spelling bee, the proctor dude told me I would remember that word forever. I have no fucking clue what it was. But yet I can tell you that he was wearing a ring from the University of Ohio. Memory is a messed up thing.

And finally, because logic and fluidity are completely and totally unaccounted for, I leave you with the following, which I said to a total stranger:

“Your attitude problem doesn’t have anything to do with sexual frustration does it, gorgeous?”

Yeah. It didn’t work.

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