The Snippets Dug

Tito:  So, the bitch gets drunk before she has to go to talk to the state attorney. 

Me:  Why?

Tito:  She said it would help my case.

Me:  Why would she think that?

Tito:  Man, if you ask that every time I tell you some dumb shit that she does, these conversations are gonna be unnecessarily long. 

Me:  Dug.

Tito:  Huh?

Me:  It's like comprende or gotcha, man.  I dig it.  It's dug.  It's a way of saying I understand what you're saying. 

Tito:  So you said that you understood me in a way I didn't understand. 

Me:  Totally dug. 

Tito:  Anyway...

Dan:  What happened to Gloria?

Me:  Man, you have been away a while. 

Dan:  She was hot. 

Me:  Her name was Loria. 

Dan:  No it wasn't. 

Me:  Dan, who's memory we gonna trust here?

Dan:  Good point.  Anyway, where is she?

Me:  Dead.

Dan:  No?

Me:  Car accident.  I think the boyfriend got arrested for it.

Dan:  He was driving. 

Me:  Nope.  He just likes handcuffs. 

Dan:  Fuck off.  Man, that is a shame.  She had one of those one-in-a-million bodies. 

Me:  Yeah, she was smoking. 

Dan:  This is totally gonna bring down my masturbation sessions. 

Me:  You sick, man.  Totally fucking sick. 

Katy:  It's nice to meet you, Nate.

Me:  You as well, Katy.

John:  You get the hell away from my daughter, Nate. 

Me: This your daughter, Old Man John?

John:  As long as she stays away from you, she is. 

Katy:  What?

John:  Now honey, I just want the best for you.  And the best thing to do, and you can ask around, is to stay away from Nate.

Me:  Ouch, that was cold. 

Scott:  That's a snippet right there.

Me:  Quit telling me what you think would make a snippet.

Scott:  Why?  I'm just trying to help. 

Me:  Most of the fun of finding a snippet is ripping the chunk of dialogue right out of the throat of spontaneity.  When you tell me what to make a snippet, it makes it seem, I don't know, less worthy of being one. 

Scott:  You know what I think?

Me:  Of course not.  How the fuck would I know what you think?

Scott:  I think that you just don't think anyone else can recognize a good snippet.  I think that you think that you've got your finger on the deceptively simple. 

Me:  I personify the deceptively simple.  But that's not the point. 

Scott:  What is the point?

Me:  You're a douche when you point out possible snippets. 

Scott:  You're just a douche. 

Me:  Your mom. 

Scott:  You're just my mom's douche. 

Me:  Well played. 

Scott:  Thanks. 

Dan:  So I heard that Stephanie died, too. 

Me:  Yup.  It was a sadly eventful few months around here. 

Dan:  And it all happened while I was out of town. 

Me:  So?

Dan:  Don't you think that's weird?

Me:  No. 

Dan:  Yeah, I guess you're right. 

Me:  Yeah well, it took me long enough to convince you. 

John:  You know Nate, I like you.  You're an amusing, enjoyable guy and you seem to have your heart in the right place.

Me:  Thanks, John. 

John:  But you must know, and I mean this, that I will never allow you to be with my daughter. 

Me:  Dug.

John:  Dug?  What the hell is dug?  Who's Doug?  What are you talking about?

Me:  It's like, I can dig it.  It's like a way of saying I understand what you're saying. 

John:  Do other people actually say this?

Me:  Nope, but I'm making it happen. 

John:  Yeah, you're making something stupid happen.