I stalk my prey downwind and uphill, crouched, muscles taut. A real predator is never anxious nor hurried, not even at full sprint. I lay silent in the reeds, waiting for my quarry to err. That’s when I strike. I’m a hunter. Job Hunter. Read More »

"All the nations will be gathered before Him; and He will separate them from one another, as the shepherd separates the sheep from the goats; and He will put the sheep on His right, and the goats on the left." - Matthew 25:32 Read More »

I dream of world peace. I dream of an end to war and disease. I dream of equal rights for everyone, and no more persecution based on race or politics or religion. I dream of a world where the poor are rich, and the rich are poor, but as soon as they become poor they get to be rich again because I dream of a world without poverty. Read More »

Now this isn't one of those gay musicals like on Broadway where the idiots sing everything they're doing for some stupid reason. And when I say gay I mean that in a purely derogatory way with no slanderous intent towards sexual orientation. Because musicals are fucking gay. But this is something different. Read More »

Who needs a bunch of Mayan book-keepers who've been dead for 5000 years, or Harold Camping (the Californian wingnut preacher who has been *brain*dead for 5000 years) telling us when the world's going to end? Read More »

Sometimes I sleep in movie theaters. They usually throw me out, but sometimes I can go unnoticed for a few days depending on how well I hide. I was recently holed up in one of the local cheap matinee theaters that just show whatever old movies they happen to have laying around, and I woke up to the beginning of Zombieland. Read More »

We went to see The Avengers on opening day, buying Fandango tickets the morning of and arriving at the theater well ahead of time. I had been looking forward to this for a long time, and I’d be shot in the back before I settled on substandard seating for a film of this scale. I had to see these inimitable heroes on screen. I consider myself one of them. Read More »

When the rape apocalypse comes, you will know. You will not need an article to tell you its signs. But I like writing about rape. A lot. And the rapeocalypse is the moment I have been waiting my whole life for because it combines the two best things I could ask for in life: justified rape, and death. Read More »

4. Justin Bieber is the Anti-Christ Read More »

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I saw Eli Manning hosting SNL and I was just inspired to do something with my life, you know?

I mean yea, I've got this thing, this WikiLeaks or whatever, and don't get me wrong, it pays the bills and it has succeeded far beyond how I expected it to. Read More »

I was recently in North Carolina on business... well, not so much business as scamming rich people while wearing a stolen suit after hitchhiking with a trucker who I ended up killing so I could jack his eighteen wheeler, but I eventually ran out of gas and... you know what, let's just skip the back story. You don't need to know everything I do. Anyway... Read More »

I'm usually under investigation by the feds at any given time, though if I had to pin down a specific reason I'm not sure I could give you one. Apparently the government isn't too big on the civil rights of drug addicted conspiracy theorist vagrants. Read More »

We are the soldiers of sustenance, well-versed in our individual roles and unified by a blanket sense of urgency. The in-room dining telephones are dueling for attention, the soundtrack for the apex of the morning. There’s at least an hour left of hard fighting before any kind of let-up. Read More »

As a train hopping hobo, I tend to move around a lot. I don't usually pay attention to where I am because it's all basically the same when you get down to it. But my most recent move may have been a mistake. You see, I'm right down the road from that monstrous tabloid she-thing called the Octomom. Read More »