Get Drunk Tonight For Cheap!
The other night I had a dream Court Sullivan called me on the phone and told me I was a faggot for not updating my blog often enough. Two days after this dream I started thinking Court did call me, and started wondering what Court had against gay bloggers. Not that I'm gay or anything, just uh... fuck.
Well moving on, to avoid Court calling me in my dreams again and gay bashing me, I decided to update. (Hopefully tonight he'll call me and thank me in my dreams instead. Or maybe I'm just dreaming about Court too much.) I'm going to stick to my theme of giving advice and tips out, mainly because I'm a lazy bastard and I'll post something real in the next few days. I'm going to tell you how to get Budweiser beer for $5.99. A friend told me about this, I tried it and had great success.
First, all you need is a store with a U-Scan. You have to do this at the U-Scan, because you need to ring it up yourself. Second, you need Budweiser beer. I usually just grab an 18 pack because that will cover me for at least one drinking session. The last things you need are a pair of hands that can rip a box (sorry, people with no hands are usually shit out of luck), and some understanding of what it means to be stealthy, because I'm sure this is somehow illegal.
Walk up to the U-Scan and set your beer down. Instead of scanning the barcode on the beer case, rip open the case and take one beer out. Next, you need to scan the barcode on the beer, and take a look on the screen. It should say Budweiser and ring up for $5.99. Put the beer back in the case, pay and leave. You now have a case of Budweiser for just $5.99.
If for some reason you feel guilty for ripping off two major corporations who are making bank, then fuck you, you shouldn't be drinking. For everyone else, have fun getting drunk for cheap tonight.

















9 Comments
Oh, John. I'm pretty sure I love you. And I'm VERY sure I would like to get drunk with/around you. I think it would prove to be an interesting evening.
Don't worry, in this context faggot just means you're being gay. And not in a GAY gay way. At least that's what my dream self informs me.
For the U-Scan though, wouldn't ripping the box open be pretty obvious, even to that one annoyed employee who mans (or womans) all 4-6 self-checkouts? You might as well bring up a can of Schlitz, scan it, then hide it in the Star Magazines while you place the 18 pack on the end. Or does the weigher thingy catch a scam like that? I've never known if it's that smart.
I always swap the contents of two cases, so that the more expensive quality beer is in the disgusting cheap beer's case. I then show the case to the cashier (they're too heavy for the counter, so you can hold them in your hands and they can't take a close look), who rings up 6 bucks or something.
Or I put the case on the ground when she's ringing up my items, and move it with my feet. If i'm lucky the cashier won't notice i have a case of beer with me, and it's free.
Haha. I get those dreams too from time to time.
Would this work in the U-Scan aisle?
What if you tore off the barcode from an 18-pack of Coke and swiped the 18-pack of beer? Surely the weight-management-big-brother device can't figure that out. Or can it?
Thoughts?
Anon- I'll drink with anyone and try to show them a good time.
Court - I've found that the person manning the U-Scan is usually text making out with someone or is making out with some other inbred employee, so I'm never really worried about someone saying anything.
Dutchie - That's a lot of work for saving money. You are a better person than I am.
Casey - The weight scan thing has never been an issue for me. I think it just wants to know you put something in there, I don't think it cares what it is, just like most fat girls. I've never thought about tearing off another bar code, I would be afraid if asked for a receipt they would know I was full of shit.
If you're scared of being asked for a reciept, just toss it when you get it. Most U-Scans have a trashcan right there. Besides, if you're asked for a reciept after scanning one beer, and you have a crate of them, you're pretty much screwed anyways.
WORD!!
you sure make a lot of references to your own homosexual possibilities
dicks EVERYHWERE
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