This is to All the Hippies Out There

I hate you, which creates terrible conflict in my life, because I love smoking pot. My favorite thing about smoking pot is the conversations that follow. People getting philosophical when baked out of their minds creates some of the greatest things I've ever heard (do you think shooting a man of out a really large cannon could make him travel the speed of light?,) to some of the dumbest things I have ever heard (if everyone smoked pot, we would have a world without violence.) Hippies always seem to somehow sneak into every conversation and ruin it. Especially when they tell me they can change the world with marijuana. No, you can't change the world by making everyone smoke pot, and I'll tell you why.

My dealer will kill you. No joke. He is the nicest guy in the world, and is a full time dealer because he can make good money. Now, lets say you decided to break into his house and steal his money or supplies. You know how he would react? He would hunt you down like Denzel Washington in "A Man on Fire," and he would ruin your shit. One time a group of kids who were stoned broke into his house and tried to steal his money, and he shot one of them. You want to know a little secret about my dealer? I can't recall the last time I saw this man sober. The guy is high 16 hours a day.

I get high all the time. It's the only aspect in my life that has any regularity to it. If I had to count how many fights I have gotten into, I would personally have to use both my hands to count, then borrow someone else's hands to tally it all together. Hell, if you tell me one more time that if I was high I wouldn't fight you, pass me that blunt, let me take it to the face, and repeat it one more time. I bet you'll be missing teeth at the end of the night.

I will agree that some people will mellow out. But to be dumb enough to assume an entire world would chill out, you're off your rocker there hippie. If I somehow could get a group of Islamic radicals to hit a joint with me, I bet they would kill me when I had no more weed, and probably geek out while doing it.

Just because you get retarded high and can't function, doesn't mean everyone else won't function. Hell, what's to stop one group of stoners from raiding another group of stoners weed fields? What's to stop a government from rationing out THC, and acting violently to those who disobey? If I come up to your house, real high, and break in, are you going to watch me steal all your shit and walk out? No, you'll react. You'll fight me or call the cops, who will in turn beat my ass.

There is no conceivable way to perceive a world with no violence. Weed is not a cure all you burn out. I probably seem pretty angry right now, which is funny, because I'm insanely high right now. Even if you could get every member of society to smoke weed regularly, nothing would change besides the stock market value of potato chips and cans of Sunkist.

Now pass me that blunt and be quiet until I leave.

Song of the Day: Tall Cans by Afroman