Nate’s snippet about who would win in a fight between Jesus and Superman got me thinking. Who actually would win in a fight or at least has the best chance to win? I thought about it at work for about 4hrs and made a case for both men. I’m going to assume that Jesus is going to abandon his peaceful ways and not pull any punches in the fight. Same goes for Superman since that dumb bitch Lois Lane isn’t in any immediate trouble. So, who would win?
The Case For Jesus
Jesus is all powerful, which is what he needs to stand a chance. He can supposedly conjure up anything on Earth he needs to win this fight. He can match Superman’s strength and speed. I’m assuming flight wouldn’t be a problem for him either. Not to mention he has a posse of 12 men who will do anything for him. Last time I checked Superman worked alone. Also, no one can take a beating like Jesus. Last time I saw something withstand a beating like the one he got in The Passion of the Christ was my penis shortly after I discovered porn. So Superman is going to have to be in superb shape to go the distance in fight with Jesus. I mean with all the walking Jesus does he has to be in great shape, and I think Superman is susceptible to fatigue. I’m going by what I’m told since I’ve never tried to get in shape. I also don’t think Jesus is stupid enough to get stuck in a piece of glass and subsequently hurled into space, which, as we all know, is Superman’s favorite move. Put all of this together and you have one hell of an opponent for Superman.
The Case For Superman
First of all Jesus isn’t immortal. I think he died on some wood or something. So he can be taken down. Superman also has more fighting experience than Jesus since he fights crime on a daily basis as opposed to preaching peace like Jesus. I believe that will be huge. Superman can also take a pretty good beating as well, and since Kryptonite isn’t a substance that can be found on Earth Jesus can’t use it. If his dad didn’t create it then he has no power over it, so Jesus’ powers are only limited to Earth because I don’t believe that Krypton has the same God as Earth. It just doesn’t make sense. Why would they get to fly while I’m stuck walking around with very limited strength? Superman will have to do anything he can to end this fight quickly because I believe his chances get worse the longer the fight goes on. With that said I think his experience will allow him to get an early advantage that should carry on throughout the fight.
So, who ya got?