McCain to Woo African-American Voters by Wearing Blackface

Obama and McCainBIRMINGHAM, AL—Sen. John McCain has announced he will dress in blackface for Halloween tonight in a bid to capture the late, undecided African-American vote.

McCain campaign spokesperson Nancy Pfotenhauer confirmed Thursday that Senator McCain will paint his face and hands black, and attend a Halloween-themed campaign rally in Ohio in an effort to sway undecided black voters his way on November 4. No black people are expected to attend the rally, though the McCain campaign anticipates heavy media coverage will make up for it.

In the last three weeks of the campaign, McCain has steadily lost ground to his rival, Sen. Barack Obama, an African-American. According to McCain, one of the main reasons for his slipping numbers in the polls is Obama's "silky smooth mocha complexion."

"On Halloween night, I want the American people to see that Swiss milk chocolate is not the only thing separating me from my opponent. Like, Sen. Obama, I can cover up my white heritage with fudge just like a Dairy Queen dip cone," McCain told a group of reporters outside a rural Pennsylvania airport.

Clinton in blackfaceWhen asked who exactly he plans to represent, McCain told reporters he is going as "Jumpin' Jim Crow." He then broke into a brief, modified refrain from "Dandy Jim from Caroline," an 1844 favorite by the Virginia Minstrels.

"I've often heard it said of late, Dat Souf Carolina was de state, Whar handsome Niggars bound to vote, Like 'Dandy Jim from Caroline.' For my ole massa tole me so, I was de best candidate Nigger in de County O, I look on de ballot an I found it so, Jus what massa told me O."

The McCain campaign, often accused of negative ads, views this as an opportunity to strike a positive note with black voters, who will see a reflection of themselves in Sen. McCain.

"By painting Sen. McCain in blackface, we are showing our solidarity with African-Americans who might have thought he could never know what it's like to be black in America. This makeup will serve as a reminder that race really is only skin deep, and that Republicans have a strong commitment to serving and emulating the African-American community, not just through hip-hop and slang," Pfotenhauer said.

Following the rally, McCain will have sex with his wife, Cindy, who will be dressed up as "an older Michelle Obama."

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Allen Waters's picture

Just like when reading The Onion, the title alone made me laugh out loud.

Michael J. Galt's picture

Mein liege, I remain humbled by your virtuosity.

The Man's picture

I wonder what McCain will do to grab the gay vote.