College Quotes
Giles: Why don't you like fries?
Frank: Because when I was growing up in China, the fries there would cut up the roof of your mouth and were really salty which means after you eat them, your whole mouth just hurts. It's psychological conditioning. Like if you get raped when you're a little kid, you're just not going to trust men.
Giles: You are a terrible person.
Frank: Well, now that I've gotten my rape joke out of the way, I'm going back to bed.
-On the wake and bake chat
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About Casey Freeman
Hometown
Earth-1
School
University of Colorado at Boulder
At a Glance
KC was born in Oregon, raised in the Dakotas, educated in Colorado, groomed in NYC, and now teaches in Seoul, South Korea. He misses sleeping until noon, drinking nightly, and getting shot down by college girls. He still gets shot down by college girls.
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Screw Polar Bears
The damn hippies keep telling us to quit warming the global, or something. I don't know what they're talking about. But screw them.
But I keep seeing this commercial about why we should save the polar bears. But fuck polar bears. They're assholes.
They eat seals. I thought you liberals wanted to save the baby seals from being clubbed to death? Now you want them eaten to death? Hypocrites.
Polar bears are white! That's reverse-affirmative action right there! Again with your shitty "logic" Democrats.
Ursus Maritimus live in Alaska. The only good things from "The Land Of the Midnight Sun" are 1. Sarah Palin, 2. Oil, 3. That crab-catching show on cable, 4. Some really potent weed that Snoop Dogg sings about.
If they were truly as smart as National Geographic says they are, they would have evolved into better animals by now.
Polar bears are notorious seducers. I've personally seen a big white maneating monster walk up to a girl and say, "How does a polar bear break the ice?" and then he puts out his paw to shake and continues, "My name is Skippy? What's yours?" Way too many women are swooned this way.
Wikipedia says polar bears are the biggest land omnivores in existence right now. Well fuck that. Americans should be the biggest land omnivores!
Polor bears eat garbage and usually can't handle their liquor.
And then there's this video:
Need I say more? Do we really need to save the cretinous creatures?
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18 Comments
(Post a comment)
When I was a kid (and alas, not there at the time) some guy at Perth Zoo decided to commune with the Polar Bear there and jumped into the enclosure with it- using a paw, it *swatted off his head*
Plus they're one of the few animals on Earth that, due to food being scarce in nature's icebox, actively hunts human beings as a food source. As a minsanthrope, I'm all for Polar Bears...
"quit warming the global"
Casey, 5 stars for me cracking up with the first sentence!!!
I am torn though, clearly they pollute the water but it seems they can also dance. Who doesn't love a dancing bear?
Polar bears don't actively hunt people unless they're starving to death. They'll also go after Walruses and other unconventional food sources if they're hungry enough. They do occasionally kill people who provoke or startle them (generally it's a dumpster-diving polar bear getting surprised, or a mother protecting her cubs), and I mean, it would be wasteful to leave all that fresh meat there, right?
PS. The harp seal is an overpopulated, overgrown rodent. And people haven't hunted the white coated ones for decades. The polar bear is a legitimately threatened species.
@anonymous above me, you are an asshole, ever here of a joke? this is a comedy site, get a sense of humor.
btw, my favorite polar bear inspired pick up like
"How much does a polar bear weigh?"
"*target females response*"
"Enough to break the ice.*drum flourish* Hi I'm *name*"
Nice try, anonymous #1- you are clearly Knut, the Polar Bear Cub, attempting to get back on everyone's Cute Radar. Get back to the zoo!
Awesome article, I don't know which video was funnier though. And I agree first annon was a douche.
^^^
Would pay to see that, Jessica. Well, maybe the furry version.
Stinkin' polar bears have doubled their population in the last 20 years - I want a PB rug.
wow BTB. i had no idea what you meant by that comment until I googled "furry version" which led me to some very disturbing pictures. thank you for perverting my virgin mind. also, that's really fucking weird.
Jessica, you're welcome - and thank you for the refreshing reminder that not 100% of the population has been entirely jaded by their InterWebz experiences.
Yet.
Though to be fair (to me) there was even a "furry" episode of CSI, so I didn't think it was that much of a reach to clarify that I was making a gratuitous anonymous perv comment rather than wishing that you actually be ingested by a large carnivorous mammal. Nice gams, BTW (to clarify further).
Hey son of b1+# (your dearest momy) well let me let U she does not control her liquor too hehe, well you are a doss cunt boy, of curse you are an american shit haha that's why the whole world hate you ignorants bastards... well it's the most stupid comment I've ever read (I thought just myke tyson or some animal like that may but there you appear with your dumbass smile hehehe to say: hey! don't u forget about me) well a polar bears eat seals (u faggot.. oh don't eat seals buaa buaa... seals are being hunting by canadians with long sticks... to beat them... so why don't you talk about them you sacry dog) I think Colorado has the worst schools on the planet (are u educated HOW'S THAT??? .. and u complaint about polar behave?? 'silly rabbit' hahaha) U sad bastard!!!
Hey there Toughguy. In case you were wondering, this was a joke I wrote about a year ago. Taking digs at Colorado? Big deal. Also, I - An American - can make complete sentences and proper spelling, unlike you. For the record, most folks around the world like Americans just fine. I have no idea where you're from, but you can stay there. And if we're getting on mothers, I didn't fuck yours. Why? Because I don't want to pollute the earth with another slugbrain like you. Thanks for reading, dipshit.
i agree with anoonymous it may be a comedy site but it still can be taken offensively and besides have you ever heard of a joke taken too far?
keep it cool in teh artic, don't pollute the earth you live on ride a bike walk carpool!!!!
You probably are going to be catch by one, and then polar bears will say, "fuck" Human invasors, and by the way who is treating your poop, i´m sure "u" are not going to poop in the backyard, because don´t have one, he does, but he does and is allow to, your not, leave nature alone if "U" are not in favor off.
Fuck off I hope nobody saves you in your hour of death. We are the worst fucking animals of all.
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