Quit looking for towelheads. There’s a new breed of terrorist in the United States: Canada Geese. These freeloading shitpumpers have been infiltrating the country from the highly unguarded northern border for far too long, and most recently, their January 15th attack forced commercial plane US Airways Flight 1549 into New York City’s Hudson River. The brave pilot and 150 passengers could have been injured or severely murdered.

Nobody is sure what provoked this act of war. It could be the pollution of the Great Lakes, the competition for airspace or simply the global economy meltdown effects on people throwing chunks bread near bodies of water.

The Federal Aviation Administration, the U.S. Department of Agriculture as well as the Department of Transportation and Fish and Wildlife Service found in a recent report that bird strikes quadrupled from 1,759 in 1990 to a whopping 7,666 in 2007, a new record.

If one or two Canada geese can attack and bring down an Airbus 320, imagine what a flock of these living weapons of mass destruction can do…

There can only be one outcome of this: ALL OUT WAR.

Now, there are good birds out there. Bald eagles are the symbol of our great nation. Turkeys and chickens are very good to eat. Penguins are cute and sometimes cuddly. But besides the eagle, which sometimes preys on geese, none of these birds have blown the whistle on their traitorous species-mates. This makes them just as guilty as the flying swine that brought that plane down into the Hudson River.

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Together, with the help of every American and our allies, we can wipe this new terrorist threat from existence. 

What can YOU do?

*Buy a 12-gauge shotgun. Shoot anything black, white and gray that flies.
*Tell your kids it’s the holidays again, and start cooking Christmas goose at least twice a week.
*Quit buying Canadian, British and French products such as Molson’s beer, Boodle’s British Gin and the dastardly named Grey Goose vodka from those faggoty traitorous surrender monkeys in faggoty-assed France.
*Don’t give into fear. It’s what these long-necked honking terrorists have been planning on and hoping for.

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