I love it when people, unable to properly gauge risk versus reward, make incredibly dumb decisions for low payoffs. For example, back in high school, a buddy of mine's brother once assaulted a pizza delivery man just because said buddy's brother had the munchies and wanted a pizza. This is tantamount to risking a three to five year prison sentence for a $11.50 plus tip. I don't care who you are, that shit is funny.

Well, Friday here in lovely City of Tampa, a thirteen year old girl, fresh from the romantic throes of juvenile detention, decided that she was hungry and wanted a cheeseburger (retail value: $1.49) from Burger King. Because she didn't have the money, she decided to pull a knife on a BK employee and demand a cheeseburger.

This did not go over well.

According to the Tampa Tribune, she was charged with armed burglary, armed robbery, and violation of home detention.

Sweet.

Imagine being so fucked up of a human being that your social skills and financial aptitude combine to tell you that the quickest and most effective way to get a cheeseburger from a Burger King employee is to threaten him with a knife. I mean, if this chick had even developed the slightest hint of a pair of tits, she could have scored a whole value meal from some pimply faced asshole at the BK, that is, if she hadn't committed the burglary at 9:30 AM.

You see, this is the part that drives me absolutely freaking wild about this story. This is the part that made me want to relay it to you: she tried to rob a Burger King employee at knife-point for a cheeseburger during the breakfast rush. You see, you can't get cheeseburgers at Burger King until around 11AM, knife or no knife.

The report also says that this thirteen year old girl chased an employee through the kitchen in an attempt to obtain her coveted cheeseburger.

I can just see the pimply faced kid screaming, “But ma'am, all we have is biscuits. It's breakfast time! Maybe I can get you a Croissanwhich or something! Please don't kill me!”

Fuck. Ing. A.

The lengths humanity's fucked-upedness can reach is as infinite as the universe itself and may even be symbolic of said infinity.

Or, barring all that philosophical mumbo jumbo, maybe, just maybe, the little bitch really likes cheeseburgers.

I mean, they are tasty.

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