Hi Jonathan, your mother, being a single parent, has invited me into your house today to talk to you about the birds and the bees. She feels this kind of discussion should be between yourself and another male.

Instead of a boring talk like I got when I was a kid, I thought it would be more interesting to put on a video presentation for you.

Also, just because I am your neighbor, doesn’t mean that I will be going around telling everyone on the street about this. So feel free at anytime during my presentation to ask me anything you want. Don’t be shy or embarrassed. Everything we talk about today will be kept just between you and I…

That’s a promise.

*Insert CD in DVD player

Okay here I am in my bedroom. The bed is a safe place to practice and explore your sexual desires.

What you are seeing right now is called masturbation. Masturbation is the act of self pleasure: An erotic stimulation of the gential organ.

*skip over to next scene

Okay, bedroom again. Excuse the dark lighting. That is me with no pants on. The unidentified woman we will call “Susan”. It is always polite when with a female to be respectful and gentle.

Let this be an example Jonathan of what not to do.

*show a bit more then skip to next scene

Okay you might recognize this next scene. It’s the party you were at 2 months ago for Mr. and Mrs. Norton’s 20th anniversary.

*slow mo part where talking to Christine

Okay Jonathan, this is called flirting. This is what you do with a female, such as Mrs. Noble here, to show interest that you like her. Notice the smiling and constant reaching out and giving light taps on the arm. Those are called signs.

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*fast forward

Now this is a sure sign she likes you. This is called oral sex also known as a blowjob. Actually this part is great…*turn up volume*. Can you hear the knocking? That is actually you wanting to use the bathroom. You remember that? You had no idea we were in there!

*slow mo

Notice the amazing technique though. This Jonathan is called, true love. If you ever find a girl that can give you true love…don’t ever let her go.

*Skip to next scene

Same party, same bathroom, obviously whoever this is… not true love.

*Skip to next scene

Okay this has nothing to do with the birds and the bees. I just thought I’d show you this because I just shot it and it’s pretty cool. As you can see, that’s me with a few other buddies. You might recognize some of them. The guy who is receiving this brutal beating is some dude who owed me 500 dollars and couldn’t pay up.

*Stop video

Well that about raps it up. Any questions?

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