The Land of Smaerd

***This is a short story I wrote as a spritely young man***

My name is Yudna, and I am from the land of Smaerd. Smaerd is called Smaerd because it is “dreams” backwards. It isn’t all that creative, but neither is the creator of all that is in the land of Smaerd. God did not create the land of Smaerd; Dog did. It is merely a coincidence that Dog is “God” backwards. Dog is God’s Dog. He is called Dog because God is not that creative. You’ll find that pets are much like their masters.

In the predictable fashion of Dog, our world is much like yours, except that it is completely different. Our dreams are made up of the common sights and smells and tastes that can be found in your reality. And our reality is as odd and false as your dream world. Everyone in your world thinks so highly of our reality, and I can’t see why.

I am always day dreaming. My mother, she says, “Yudna, I swear to Dog! You are off in dream world so much that you are going to get stuck there one day!” I hope this is true. The best part about my dream world, or your reality, is that you can control what happens. In the humdrum of my day-to-day, it is likely that my legs could start disintegrating on the way to school. Sometimes, what starts as a good day ends in me just barely escaping an evil dragon. There have been days where I have been someone else. There have been days when nobody likes me for no reason, and this is my reality.

And sure, there are days when I can talk with the animals and save the world. There are days when I am in love and save beautiful maidens from burning castles and everyone says, “You are the best, Yudna!” But there is a foreboding underlying all of this. It is my reality, but my reality isn’t really real and never carries on to the next day.

People in your world waste so much time trying to control your dreams, or my reality. You don’t seem to understand that it is not possible. Sometimes, you think you have something under control, but that is just a lucky roll of the dice in my world. Don’t get too confident in your ability to control my reality: it can’t happen. This is the entire reason that we here in the land of Smaerd think you people are stupid. You are capable of controlling your reality! Why do you care about controlling what happens in your head while you are asleep?

Last night, I had the most wonderful dream I have ever had. I dreamed that mother was right and that I was stuck in dream world forever. I was eating at a fast food restaurant. It did not taste very good. Then, I walked outside and had to go to the bathroom like never before. It was very possible that I even wet my trousers. I saw a public restroom across the street and it looked disgusting. Just as I started to cross the street, I was hit by a car. The pain was intense and I blacked out. I later woke up in the hospital with a dull pain in my hip. The doctors had told me that I had found the secret to staying in dream world: getting hit by a car. I was so happy to know that I would be in this diminished physical state for the next few months.

Then I woke up because my bed had turned into a bottomless pit of oil. I managed to swim out. After realizing that the dream was not true, that I was back in the real world, I noticed that today I had wings and that they were covered in oil. What a mess.

Dog dammit, I hate Smaerd!

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Gavin Pitt's picture

Did your Smeard Doctor have knives for fingers and a red-and-green xmas sweater?! Because if so, you might want to invest in a coffee machine...

Andrei Trostel's picture

Funny stuff Andy.