Jenny? Are you reading these things? I bet you are. God, you’re so pathetic. Fucking whore. You make me sick you know that? These things are for sickos and perverts—you should fit right in. Slut.

Call me if you read this. I really REALLY miss you. <3

-Jim (you know the number)

p.s. I’m just going to ask you one more time: Did you fuck Kevin or not, because I am going fucking nuts over this.


w4m: We met at the Thoroughbred Bar on 5th and Wilson. I fell chin-first onto your table and then I told you that you looked just like Johnny Depp. I think you bought me a drink. I blacked-out after that (sorry, pre-noon drinking). But, hey, you should give me a call. I’m pretty sure you were cute.

Nancy 884-21–

p.s. What did I end up doing? And do you know who the hell “Grex” is, because he’s tattooed all over my ass.


m4w: We were both driving down Amador Valley Blvd. earlier today (about 11:17 am; I checked it twice!). You were the dark-skinned temptress in a Porsche 911, and I was the chunky pale guy in the Cabriolet. I made eyes at you and waved, but you didn’t seem to notice so I side-swiped your car. I know, I know, I’m impulsive. Anyway, while we were exchanging information, I couldn’t work up the nerve to ask you out, so I called you a “stuck-up blind bitch” (I have trouble expressing myself emotionally when I feel threatened). What I really wanted to say was, “Dinner sometime?” My treat.
Oh, and can you pick me up because you totaled my car, you stuck-up blind bitch.

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-Steve (925) 828-36–

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