G'Day, Gorehounds!

When it comes to movies, there's nothing more satisfying to me than a good, balls-to-the-wall (or even better,balls-hacked-off-with-a-machete-and-flung-at-the-wall. In-3D) horror film. Read More »

Hey everyone, I am going to be at the All Good Music Festival from July 9th through the 12th in Masontown, West Virginia. If anyone else is going, look for me, I'll be the one staring into the woods like he is about to get attacked by animals. Or you can just scream my name really loud at several different points and if I am around I will respond "What!?" really loudly. Read More »

Gotta love the media's inability to recognize its own faults:

You know which Jackson got the least coverage? Janet at the Super Bowl, ZING. Read More »

Sorry for the lack of updates, but a combination of rapid fire 21st birthdays, my birthday, which was celebrated on four different days for some reason, white water rafting in West Virginia, a full time job and being on painkillers from injuries has left me with little time to write updates. But I'm trying. Read More »

Whassup, Wordsmiths?

Did you know that American writer Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) was born in Ohio? Or that he disappeared without a trace in Mexico in late 1913? And that arguably his most famous work was THE DEVIL'S DICTIONARY, in which Bierce presented a bitterly funny list of words in a dictionary-type format, often revolving around clever puns or sarcastic jokes? Read More »

Michael Jackson, the biggest gift to late night talk show hosts and comedians everywhere, died after the world's shortest coma yesterday. But you already knew that because, I swear to God, celebrities are "tweeting" their condolences. What? What is this world coming to? Jesus Fuck.

Michael Jackson died doing what he loved best: dying. Read More »

I wonder how long it'll take all that plastic to biodegrade.  I sure hope the EPA is aware of the threat to Earth. 

St. Peter's first words to Michael Jackson: "Wow.  Umm... Sorry about looking so shocked but you really have changed. I was expecting someone with slightly different features and without that boy-sin shine to him." Read More »

I was on a hot, crowded bus, riding 25 minutes to my destination. Read More »

I don't know why, but I trust you guys. I have something in my past I'm not very proud of, but I need to get it off my chest. Most of my best friends don't even know this, but I feel like coming clean to the entire public and my millions of daily PIC readers.

Dang, this is hard. But I told myself I was going to do it.

Here goes. Read More »

I have a saying, "Opinions are like exes. Everyone has them, and they're all retarded and psychotic."

I'm driving more since I've moved to Colorado, thus I'm seeing more bumper stickers. Generally I don't care if you're advertising what kind of stereo is in your car, your favorite shitty football team or where you went to high school. I really, really just don't give a damn. Read More »

Viva, Voyeurs! Read More »

Aloha, Animorphs! Read More »

Bonjour, Barnyard Biohazards! Read More »

The other day, I went to my local Wal-Mart Supercenter, and I realized something: walking through a Wal-Mart is more entertaining than television. Give me Aisle 8 of Wal-Mart anyday over Lost. 90% of the people you see at Wal-Mart look like they haven't left their house/trailer for weeks (where they were busy watching Judge Judy knockoff shows and not showering). Read More »

If you've been reading my "Organs" series, you'll notice one of the reoccurring characters is a cranky elderly bastard named Old Clicky. And today - June 15th - is that mean old geezer's birthday. Read More »