Company Slogans Don't Lie

Until recently, I hadn't given much thought to the benefits that various companies' slogans highlighted about their products/services.

Turns out, slogans aren't just catchy, they often mean what they say.

Here are a few examples of slogans I had previously passed off as "sounding cool," but that actually convey features of the company.

Burger King - "Have It Your Way"

I had no idea that this meant you are not only allowed, but encouraged to customize the way your burger/meal is prepared, until recently when my girlfriend ordered a Whopper with heavy pickles, no onions, no lettuce, light mayo, onion rings instead of fries, cut in half, and if I recall correctly, "slightly unripe fried green tomato slices on the side." Have it our way the slow way indeed.

Although according to BK Chief Marketing Officer Russ Klein, it doesn't make that much of a difference because "half of all sandwiches ordered are customized anyway." (Harvard Business School)

And to Mr. Klein I say, "Is the sandwich half empty, or half whole?"

Enterprise - "We'll Pick You Up"

I'm a fan of Enterprise. As I recall, they were one of the few companies that rented cars to people under 25, and for not much extra either. But the thought had never occurred to me that if I don't want to leave my car parked elsewhere, or simply don't have a car to get to Enterprise, they'll actually come to my place of residence and GET ME!

It almost sounds absurd. It's like those Sleep Number bed commercials that promise an in-home trial for 60 days and if you don't like it you can return it for a full refund. Does anyone actually return a fucking BED? How bad would you feel for the people who break their backs to come set it up, then return one day later to pick it up because your lazy ass wants an even cushier bed for your lazy ass?

And what if you live on an island only accessible by ferryboat? What about that, Enterprise?

I know, I bring the hard-hitting questions.

Checkers - "You Gotta Eat"

I've seen this commercial a lot lately, and have even sung along with that catchy tune that goes along with the slogan, but I had no idea you actually HAVE TO EAT. No wonder I've been so hungry for weeks now. On the downside, I'm afraid I might start putting on weight, so I've decided to develop a coke habit to offset the effects.

Greyhound - "Leave the Driving to Us"

I've never taken Greyhound, and for a horribly mistaken reason: I thought everyone had to take turns driving the bus. That's how all the road trips I've ever been on have worked. (Turns out you also don't have to take turns buying gas either.)

PlayStation - "Live in Your World, Play in Ours"

It's no secret that I don't play video games. Gave them up shortly after Gameboy and the introduction of buttons besides A and B. What most people don't know, though, is that I tried to get back into them during college. Literally, I tried to live in a PlayStation after Emory put me in a triple room freshman year. Turns out PlayStations are far too small for habitation, so I kicked out one of my roommates and everything was gravy after that.

Now, I know that PlayStations aren't for escaping the physical hardships of everyday life. Only the emotional ones. And I have a feeling everything will be all right.

Is there a slogan YOU'VE recently come to understand? Leave it in the comments.

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