Chappelle Theory Dispelled

If I were standing in front of a giggly, ecstatic Ashton Kutcher, this is the point where I would muster the courage to stand meekly in front of MTV's camera and declare, "This is Court Sullivan, and I've just been Punk'd. Umm...I'm Rick James, bitch?"

You see, I desperately wanted there to be some sort of underground censorship conspiracy against none other than the mainstream racial joke-groundbreaking Dave Chappelle, who mysteriously gave up a hit show and $50 million. But someone beat me to the punch:

www.chappelletheory.com

They preyed on my worst fears and secret hopes, something no man should ever do (women, I'll throw you a bone). They lumped media bigwigs Louis Farrakhan, Bill Cosby, Robert Johnson, Oprah Winfrey, and Al Sharpton into one Power Rangers-esque billionaire supergroup bent on destroying Dave Chappelle and show, which undermined and reversed years of African American progress--a logical notion if I've ever heard one. Especially considering I actually had once read Bill Cosby quoted in a newspaper during Season 2 saying he didn't like Dave's edgy topics or vulgar racial humor. And if it's enough for Bill Cosby to step forward, I figured the rest of the group was a shoe-in for the cause.

First, there's Louis Farrakhan. I mean, come on...the dude is like a magnet for controversy. Every time I see him on TV it looks like he just walked out of a Black Panthers meeting--all sweaty, agitated, and Urkel-like in his demeanor. Then there's Bill Cosby. Kind-hearted and funny, but putting Dave Chappelle and Cosby in the same room is like telling Eminem and Elton John to go bake fudge together and not have things get awkward. Robert Johnson? Sure, he likes big-booty hoes shaking their asses in wet thongs 12 hours a day on BET music videos, but ask him about the Niggar sketch and NO SIR. ALL BETS ARE OFF! It doesn't take much to tell that Oprah Winfrey has it in her to intimidate others. I mean, she's effectively brain-washed the entire home-making class of middle America. And Al Sharpton, well geez. I don't think there's any argument he'd be in on it. He's like the guy who stands around outside the bar waiting for two people to start fighting each other, and then he joins in whichever side is blacker and more powerful. Thus, THE DARK CRUSADERS are plausible...RIGHT??

Nope. Stamped with "Bullshit" as of the other day. I guess some things are as simple as they seem. Chappelle just didn't want the pressure of living up to insane new standards. His homegrown stand-up roots were being compromised and he needed to come down to Earth again.

OR, was the owner of that website ALSO targeted and threatened by the Dark Crusaders?

Makes you wonder exactly what's going on here, especially when IMDB lists the following fact trivia on Dave Chappelle's biography page:

[Dave] is currently in the beginning of talks about a movie involving his family and historical events they are fictionally involved in. [2004]

Historical events of fiction? How much more contradictory and ambiguous can you get? How many celebrities need to completely fabricate their past to make a movie? I'm not calling this one yet... It ain't over 'til the black man raps.

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