I am not available because I am watching a pornographic film that takes up the whole screen.

My computer is on right now. Please do not continue to turn it on by leaving messages, it gets excited easily.

I am away from my computer right now. Far away. Not even close. In fact, someone could be stealing my computer right now and I wouldn't know. So if someone starts talking to you and it doesn’t sound like me, don’t worry, it’s probably a burglar. Just keep him busy until I get back, that way he can’t get away. You know, just bombard him with IM’s and annoy the hell out of him so he gets distracted from his work like you always do to me. Thanks, I owe ya one!

I am all over my computer right now.

My computer is away from me right now.

I am not available because I am playing a computer game that takes up the whole screen. I am also reading a magazine that covers up the computer game that takes up the whole screen. And even if you somehow hacked into my computer and broke through the computer game, the screen and the magazine, I still wouldn’t talk to you. Although it would be pretty flattering.

I am not available because I am playing your mom who takes up the whole screen.

I am not available because I am currently dating a computer game that takes up all my time.