Greetings and salutations, folks! Larry and Mary Anderson here, wishing you a happy month of August. If you are receiving this letter, then you know what that means: the monthly neighborhood orgy is right around the corner and we would like to see you there!

When: Saturday, August 23rd, 10:00pm

Where: Larry and Mary’s bungalow, of course!

Theme: Justice League (Superman, Batman, Bloodwynd… get creative!)

Mary and I would like to apologize for being unable to make an orgy for the month of July, but there was just so much going on concerning family vacations, not to mention Mary’s mother ("Old Ironsides," as I call her) coming to town for the better part of the week, as well as our grandkids’ birthdays… there was just no time to get into a huge pile and have sex with each other.

Roman orgy censored scene

June’s gathering was a successful one, as usual, but there were some comments and concerns in the suggestion box that I would like to address.

#1 No pets.

I cannot believe how many times I have to address this particular topic. And this message is really for Gary, in all honesty. Gary, when we had our first monthly meeting, you brought a dog with you, and I was like, "Ok, Gary, Haha, very funny, but no pets, buddy." Then you proceeded to bring a different animal to every single gathering since.

What was it last time? A frog? Yeah, it was a frog. Where do I even start with that? Like, where would a frog possibly fit into the Star Wars-themed orgy we had last month? Is this a running site gag with you now?

I wish you would knock it off, Gary. Honestly.

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#2 There seems to be a habit of people scampering off immediately after they have finished.

I notice this mostly with the men. Guys, it is seen as pretty rude to run out the door immediately after you have had your fun. We may all be wearing masks and whatnot, but we can still tell who is bolting toward the door immediately after gratification.

I mean, it’s not like we are asking you to spend the night or anything, but stick around for a bit, ya know? Relax! Have a cup of coffee or a glass of wine when you are done and put your feet up; I would love to show you some slides that Mary and I took on our vacation to Daytona Beach last year. You can even take your mask off by that point if you’d like. No pressure.

#3 This suggestion does not come from the suggestion box, but rather from me: guys, you have to bring your wives.

I cannot emphasize this enough. If you are invited to this orgy, it is because you are part of a couple, and Mary and I expect both of you to show up to the event. It seems that in the month of May, every guy there had an excuse as to why their wives could not show up. Excuses ranged from "that time of the month," to "tuberculosis," to "hay fever." At first I didn’t say anything, but then for last month’s meeting, the same thing happened.

I don’t know if I made this abundantly clear or not, but this is a swingers’ orgy, okay? I don’t want to get into semantics here, but what has been happening the last two meetings is about 10 or 11 guys and one woman, and that is not an orgy, okay? That is something else entirely. Don’t get me wrong, Mary loved the attention. She was very flattered by it, but it comes with a physical toll that very few have ever known. So, guys, if you find yourself on August 23rd standing at our front door, make sure your wife is with you before you give us a knock, mmkay?

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I know if we can abide by these standards we will all have an excellent time. Thank you for hearing me out. If you would like to bring an adult film to put on in the background, we do have VHS capabilities as well as Beta. Personally, I don’t know why you would bring that to an orgy. If you go to a rock concert, do you bring your Walkman? But hey, we’re open to it. You don’t hold this many orgies if you weren’t a little open-minded, know what I mean?

If you are interested in bringing something to the orgy food-wise, try to avoid problem foods such as sauerkraut, deviled eggs, or anything cabbage-related. And yes, Mary will be making her famous lemon squares for the orgy. So come for the lemon squares, stay for the orgy. Or vice-versa! Nyuk nyuk!

We hope to see you then!

Respectfully,
Larry and Mary

P.S. We also just acquired a brand new, top-of-the-line dehumidifier for the living room, so for the Boba Fett who was walking out the door and commented that our house smelled like "lemon squared ass," you should know that the stank will no longer be a problem. Toodles!

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