Mephistopheles the Wicked (November): People being used as a host for this demon can expect an exciting month. You may meet a future best friend, find a new favourite pizza place, or find yourself walking around your neighbourhood at night with an unquenchable thirst for rats. No matter where this demon takes you, it is a month of discovery for you!

Hastur the Plague-Bringer (December): This month, hosts of Hastur may find themselves tired and staying home instead of going out at night. Your friends may grow irritated with your home-body behaviour but, they will understand since we all have months like this. Also, you may want to get those dark marks on your torso and chest checked out.

Ulfgar, Devourer of Souls (January): You may find yourself drawn to strangers on the subway, or in the grocery store, or walking down dark alleyways at night. No matter where you find them, chances are you’ll find a way to strike up a new friendship, show your new pal a good time, or suck the very soul from their body to please Ulfgar.

Solvil the Malevolent (February): Once again it is that time of year when the hosts of Solvil go absolutely crazy. Everyone has that time of year where they just lose control! If someone you know is a host of Solvil, don’t be surprised to see them howling at the moon, covering their walls in the blood of small creatures, or torturing a prisoner in their storage room. Go wild Solvil hosts, it’s your time to shine!

Arcas, Destroyer of Worlds (March): Arcas is leading you to love this month! Talk to that stranger at the bar, that cutie in your laundromat, or that handsome man with the nice smile at your next cult meeting. It’s your month to try to find someone to settle down with, whom Arcas will ultimately have you kill to appease his bloodlust.

Lichor the Fire-Borne (April): This month you may find yourself filled with ambition. Now is your time to go for that promotion at work and let Lichor lead you to that sweet, sweet raise. Of course, you will probably end up getting fired from this job too when Lichor convinces you to burn the building down. Also, this month the police will get closer, but will still not have enough evidence to pin all those arson cases on you.

Cragnar the Bloodthirsty (May): This month will be a life changer for hosts of Cragnar. Your parents or loved ones may finally notice that you float at night, that your eyes have permanently turned black, or that you keep killing rodents and drinking their blood straight from the corpse. If you don’t convince them that it is just an odd phase caused by Astrology (absolute bullshit) and not by the demon possessing your body, they may try to have you exorcised at some point in the future.

Zagrell the Genital-Impaler (June): Same as every month. You’re going to have an overwhelming urge to impale a bunch of people through the genitals.

Wayne the Anxious Snail, Demon in Training (July): Not much will change this month for those who have been possessed by Wayne the Anxious Snail. Satan told him to pick a name that would spread fear and havoc and that is what he came up with. Honestly, he still really hasn’t figured out his powers. He’s absolutely useless. Blood may drip from your walls a bit, maybe the odd mirror will break in your presence, but otherwise life is pretty normal this month! Wayne is probably going to get fired.

Bocharg the Lecherous (August): Last month was tough for hosts of Bocharg after they found out they couldn’t trust someone close to them, leading to broken friendships, estranged family members, and especially rough break-ups. This month is the month for the heartbroken to bounce back! Unfortunately, you find yourselves drawn to the worst source for rebound sex—hosts of Zagrell the Genital-Impaler… maybe next month will be better.

Ozaroth the Vile (September): Ozaroth’s human carriers will finally be ready to get a new companion animal this month! Whether it be a cat, dog, bird, or 16-foot Nile crocodile, Ozaroth’s hosts can once again open their hearts and love a new sweet little creature. Hopefully this time Ozaroth won’t fill you with an unbridled urge to cook and eat your companion animal!

Garibax, Lord of Puns (October): You remain everyone’s least favourite person. Your host still entices you to make insufferable puns at every opportunity. Most of them are real stretches, Garibax is really forcing them this month. Even the hosts of Zagrell the Genital-Impaler are favourable to you this month.

Join the PIC newsletter for weekly comedy headlines. Save 10% on comedy classes at The Second City using code PIC.