Online dating can be just as difficult for women as it is for men.  Putting yourself out there to find the right person is never an easy task. Women often face the same problems that men do in terms of confidence as well as the challenge of presenting the best image they can in order to find a compatible match. Men have a tendency to judge strongly by appearance, so women actually face additional obstacles when it comes to presenting beauty as well as personality characteristics that will attract the right man.

I’ve written before about what a guy’s dating profile should look like here.

Given that online dating can be such an exciting yet sometimes arduous and perplexing experience for women too, I have decided to provide an example of a woman’s dating profile. Attractiveness is always important, but it is very essential to be completely honest about your personality if you are truly looking for Mr. Right.

Introduction

Hello. My name is Iwana Takidin. I am a 43-year-old, nosy, obnoxious, greedy, slanderous, gossiping, two-faced, manipulative, bossy, narcissistic, vodka-consuming, meth-using, pathological nymphomaniac with somewhat perky tits, and I am looking for the perfect stud who will know exactly how to rock my world.

I have a nice house, a new car, a wonderful body, two children, one husband, three boyfriends, and a real zest for living. Although I maintain a busy schedule, I’m sure I can fit you in somewhere.

Hobbies / Personality

I enjoy playing tennis, going for power-walks, talking on my cell phone while putting on makeup as I drive my car, watching what other people do on Facebook constantly, fighting with people at work, shopping with my husband’s credit card, sending nude pictures of my body to people who live in Europe, masturbating in the bathtub to the sound of country music, and occasionally practicing witchcraft.

People frequently talk about me behind my back, and they often say that I’m a highly immoral, mean-spirited woman who needs professional help. But they only say these things because they’re jealous of me. They also simply can’t handle the magnitude of my vibrant personality.

I do appreciate an occasional evening drink, but one time I consumed a little bit too much before getting into an argument with my husband, ripping a corded telephone off the wall, and smashing him in the face with it.

Not to worry! I’m not an alcoholic or a violent person, and I only tend to do things like that after having two drinks. I only get mean if someone tries to bother me with unwanted affection. In college, there was a nice, good-natured, idealistic, naïve young man who really had his heart set on me. He sent me flowers, told me that he had sincere feelings for me, and even asked me out on a date. But I didn’t like him. He didn’t have a lot of money or a nice car, so I pulled his heart out of his chest and ate it.

Career / Occupation

With my gentle and loving nature, you can probably guess what my profession is.  Yes, that’s right! I’m a Nurse.

I perform the regular nursing duties of administering medication, observing and monitoring patients’ conditions, maintaining records, communicating and working with doctors, and various other forms of “hands-on” care. I am very good at working with patients. They occasionally have trouble sleeping because they don’t feel well and because they are stressed out. They toss and turn for a while, but they eventually get off when I give them the right medicine.

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Being a nurse is no easy job! Sometimes I truly find myself on my knees surrounded by all these really long and hard tasks that I have to pull off. And I always have to be very careful when administering medication in liquid form otherwise it splatters all over my face and runs down my neck.

I often work with Dr. Johnson Rydehard. He has a stiff personality, but he is very professional. He has a huge and massive amount of paperwork to complete everyday. But with my ability to maintain records, I help take the load off. I also enjoy working with my fellow nurse, Cindy. We share the same professional views, and we really rub off on each other.

Likes / Dislikes

I like fast cars, nice clothes, fancy riverboats, international cruises, shopping on weekends, 5-star restaurants, 3-story vacation houses, built-in underground swimming pools, and summer trips to Europe.

I hate people who are cheap. My husband works as a maintenance mechanic at a local factory, and he is always saying that we need to live “moderately.” One time, he even had the nerve to tell me that I spend too much. I responded by yelling at him, nagging at him constantly for a month and a half, and fucking his best friend, Joe, on the kitchen table while he was at work.

I also hate people who smoke. When I was pregnant with my first child, I was in a bar having a good time until I realized that the guy next to me had lit up a cigarette. I screamed at him to get away from me, and I called him a stupid asshole. Who the fuck did he think he was anyway? As a nurse, I get very angry when people are insensitive to the health and safety needs of those around them.

Spirituality / Religion

As you can probably tell, spirituality is the center of my life. I go to Church every Sunday, and I attend Confession on a regular basis.

Because I am such a good person, I often have difficulty thinking of things that I actually need to confess or even apologize for. But I always find that a lot seems to come out whenever I simply go into the confession booth, get down on my knees, and open my lips. You just never know. Confession can be a real mouthful when you least expect it!

At the end of the service last Sunday, one woman came up to me and said, “I hope the Lord can forgive you for the terrible things you have done!” She was apparently upset with me because I slept with her husband one night while she was gone and then accidentally ran over her dog on my way out of their garage.

I didn’t really appreciate her tone of voice. In fact, I considered it very un-Christian of her to even say that to me, so I picked up a huge rock and threw it right through her car window before shoving a knife into one of her back tires. After that, I spit in her face and kicked her in the vagina.

Additional Things About Me

I’m a good person, but I don’t take crap from anyone. A while back, I heard a rumor at the hospital that Barbara, one of the night-shift nurses, had called me a “slutty, violent, manipulative cunt.” I got revenge by seducing her husband, rubbing my tits all over his face, and letting him fuck me in the ass. I secretly videotaped the entire incident and mailed the tape to her house. After that, I caught Barbara in the hospital parking lot as she was walking to work, and I punched her in the mouth.

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I eventually found out that the rumor wasn’t true and that Barbara didn’t even know who I was…but either way, don’t be talking shit!

Recent Developments

I have decided to pick up gardening and yard work as new hobbies in order to get away from the stress of work and everyday living. I have a wonderful yard. There’s not much in the back, but I have a really nice bush in the front.

My neighbor Steve recently bought a new garden hose, so he often likes to come over and spray my bush. We enjoy doing lots of yard work together. Sometimes he even lets me touch his garden hose. I love it! When he turns on the water tap, I can feel his hose stiffen up in my hands right before it shoots out a long stream. When he turns the tap off, I like to stick my tongue underneath the nozzle so I can swallow the last few drops.

Steve gets me really wet. Because he has a sense of humor, he likes to stick his big garden hose in between my flower pots right before he sprays me in the face. Sometimes he gets me from behind and squirts it on the lower part of my back. Usually he just holds and twists his hose in a special way that makes it spurt all over my stomach before everything runs down my thighs. I always seem to get a lot of it on my neck and chin, and sometimes it even gets in my hair. But that’s OK.  I don’t mind having wet stuff all over me when it’s hot outside.

With my new garden, I also plan on eating more fresh vegetables.  As a nurse, I care about good health. I also figure that if something tastes good, then you should put it in your mouth.

What I’m Looking For

I’m looking for someone who will treat me like the lady I am. I expect flowers, gifts on every holiday, courtesy, loyalty, trust, and loving support for every decision I make. Most of all, I want you to rock my world!

I like attractive men, but I’m not into guys who are too nice. Nice guys don’t have the courage or the endurance to be with a strong person like me.  Before I met my husband, there was a really pleasant and friendly young man who wanted to marry me. He told me that he wanted to be close to me, and he even said that he loved me. I lost my temper, called him a pussy, and then told him I needed someone who was more sexually experienced. I could tell that his heart was really broken at that point, so I took a picture of myself sucking a 13-inch cock and then showed it to him so that he would finally get the point.

He never called back.

Conclusion

I have an awesome personality, and I’m a real go-getter. I enjoy challenges, I never back down from anything, and I always face problems “head-on.” I’m thinking about getting a divorce from my husband of 17 years and taking all of his stuff because he simply doesn’t have the same zest for life that I do.

In other words, I will be available in the near future.

P.S. I can be available even sooner if you stop by my house between the hours of 2-5pm.

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