Welcome new gumshoes! This is the chief speaking. ACME Crimenet has been informed that after the capture of Eartha Brute and Vic the Slick, Carmen Sandiego has recruited fresh meat to V.I.L.E. We are told her newest member is clever with a cleaver and has an international taste for mischief. His name: Anthony Bourdain, otherwise known as "The Global Gobbler."
He was last reported to have landed in London, where he toppled the tower bridge and bludgeoned Big Ben. His royal rampage ended in Essex where Bourdain basted Chef Jamie Oliver in a marinade of butter and basil before fleeing for France.
Oliver and Bourdain in more amicable times.
Gumshoes, Anthony Bourdain has stolen Jamie Oliver’s prized herb garden. Can you help us get it back?
Clue #1: French cuisine is noted as being some of the best in the world. From escargot to epinard, chefs here surely know how to sauté their supper. Intel strongly suspects Bourdain may be cleaning his cleavers and repairing his wares. The most important piece of equipment Bourdain can buy in France is:
- A waffle maker in Normandy.
- A bread knife in Cannes.
- A duck press in Paris.
The correct answer is C) a duck press in Paris. Of course, it’s obvious! Bourdain has traded Jamie’s herb garden for the press in order to make a proper canard à la rouennaise.
Congratulations, you got the loot! But we still need the warrant before we can capture this V.I.L.E. villain.
Clue#2: Intel suggests Bourdain has headed back to North America. Factoring in his future French feast, he must be munching in Montreal. Montreal is home to Canada’s largest French-speaking population and is the birthplace of poutine. What toppings other than cheese curds and gravy would Tony taste on his French fries?
- Peppers and peas
- Foie gras
- Nothing. Poutine is a perfect meal by itself.
The correct answer is B) foie gras. While many Canadians may argue that poutine needs no additions, Bourdain certainly wouldn’t resist the tantalizing temptation of foie gras. We suspect this foie gras came from Au Pied de Cochon, where one could eat virtually every piece of a perfectly pouched piggy. Restaurant staffers say that a cool cat with a badass attitude and perfect palette was spotted there this very afternoon. It must be him!
Congratulations, you now have the warrant. Now let’s go bring in Bourdain!
Clue #3: Let’s Goa to India. Bourdain’s salt and pepper tresses have spiced up tourists in India’s western region. India is famous for its rich and flavorful curry dishes. It is also home to the world’s highest percentage of vegetarians. Knowing that Bourdain needs meat for sustenance, where would he likely be found?
- At a beef BBQ
- Eating a cupcake
- In a night market
Very clever, gumshoe! The answer is C) in a night market. Cows are considered sacred animals in India and are not eaten, and of course cupcakes are not meat. Bourdain was apprehended at an Indian night market stall chowing down on a skewer of unidentifiable meaty morsels. The crook has been captured.
Excellent job. We here at Crimenet are proud of you for the hard work you’ve done today capturing The Global Gobbler. We would like to upgrade you from gumshoe to sleuth. Congratulations!
There’s only one thing left to do. Point your finger to the sky and say it with me:
DO IT ROCKAPELLA!