It’s Fall, and the only thing dying faster than the leaves is your love life. Tinder is incinerating into oblivion faster than a pile of leaves and/or your dreams, and OkCupid just feels like a shot at an ass in the dark at this point.

Well, did you ever think that maybe you’re not the only one who feels like they’re stuck in a tree or constantly reaching for an itch they can’t scratch?

Cat Tinder is here. It’s time to stop trying to pound that pussy. You could be gettin’ that pussy out of the pound!

Once you find your maine coonpanion through our app, you’ll stop lion to yourself once and for all.

Our app’s felinist design works to take down the patriarchy and reestablish the petriarchy. Why spend the night with a random internet hookup who describes you as a “sex kitten” when you can hold a real kitten? You only have one life to live, so it’s about time you invest in somebody with nine.

Cat Tinder allows you to take a break from dating by connecting you with local cat owners, shelters, and felines on the prowl. Looking for a cougar? Fear not — Cat Tinder has an age and size filter. Earn your stripes with a full-sized Siberian tiger that will be sent to your house the moment you swipe right. You’re only committed for one night, and there’s no shame in a little fierce fun with a 600-pound beast of the jungle: am I right, ladies?

Maybe you’ve been abandoned recently, but you’re too sheltered to get back out there. We bet you know who else is! While your friends may suggest you let strays litter your box or climb your post, we all know that true catisfaction doesn’t require letting some tomcat snack on your Fancy Feast. Once you find your maine coonpanion through our app, you’ll stop lion to yourself once and for all.

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And don’t worry — we have a strict “no cheetah” policy.

There’s no time like meow to be who you are. Here at Cat Tinder, we’re fetish friendly, and that includes furries. Long hair? Short hair? It’s up to you. But, for the more traditional of the bunch, we do have hairless cats available. We’re also here to help LGBT people avoid a holiday catastrophe. If you’re not out, don’t bring a beard to Thanksgiving dinner — bring a friend with whiskers!

Sick of crawling your way through another night at the bar and racking up a big tab? Scratch it off your list immediately, and instead, cuddle up with a big tabby. Cats will keep you company in bed for up to 18 hours a day. It’s a much better kind of fun, and you don’t have to wear protection, let alone pants.

And for those of you not so into cats, don’t worry! We haven’t furgotten you. If you like to live on the ruffer side, Retriever is the app for you to fetch canine friendship and perhaps even a few tennis balls. Plus, you’ll be able to refer to your partner as a bitch and still be a feminist! Though this app is newer, we’re running tests in our lab to ensure it’s on pointer.

Whatever you’re looking for romantically, forget it immediately. You’ve gato get your new companion on a tight leash today!

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