Consistent chart toppers Dexys Midnight Runners have announced they are not scheduled to play the inauguration.

After much thought, Freddie Formica and the Counter-Tops, voted “Most Popular Musical Act in the Interior Cabinetry Design Convention Circuit” have declined to perform.

YouTube sensation Eduard Anatolyevich Khil, better known as the “Tra la la guy,” was asked to sing on behalf of the Soviet-sponsored segment, but his former publicist has confirmed that he is still dead.

The Cantina Band, from the Academy Award-winning film Star Warsm, has politely declined.

Amish singing sensations “Bieber Mania – The Justin Bieber Experience, Featuring the Dulcet Tones of Ezekiel Jebediah,” has cited a previous engagement.

Rupert Poo’s and His Dancing Teeth reports they are unavailable.

My third grade English teacher, Mrs. Cohen, although not known for performing or releasing any music, has denied a request to sing “You’ll Never Walk Alone” a cappella at the event.

Houston-based rockers Glennwood Johnson and His Exploding Knees, once described by Rolling Stone as “…a musical act,” has declined due to moral concerns.

Popular garage band Rod Torkleson’s “Armada, Featuring Hermann Munderchuck,” reports a scheduling conflict.

Bob Kingsley, the guy who tuned Peter Tork from the Monkees’ bass (more than once but less than three times) was scheduled to perform what he describes as some Monkees riffs he’s been working on and almost has down, followed by a showcase of how he tuned Tork’s bass, followed by a 20-minute Q&A, but was forced to cancel after a visibly angry Peter Tork demanded his bass back.

Randy Watson and Sexual Chocolate, first seen in the film Coming to America, cannot perform due to a scheduling conflict with the filming of their sequel “Leaving America En Masse.”

RELATED:  10 Dos and Don'ts for Finding a Handgun in the Living Room After a College Party

Suggested Next