Allow me to start by saying that Batman is the best superhero out there.  This is obvious to anyone with a brain.  He has no superhuman abilities, yet he still kicks ass.

That said, I have made two recent discoveries which have slightly, and only slightly, lessened Batman’s reputation in my mind.  The first such revelation occurred when I saw this comic strip:

Batman sleeps with Robin in a comic strip

What the fuck is this?  Why are Bruce Wayne and Dick Grayson (Robin) in the same bed?  Batman enthusiasts such as myself know that Bruce Wayne took in Grayson at the age of eight.  Robin was also always referred to as "The Boy Wonder."  However you slice it, this picture makes Batman not only gay, but a pedophile.  It sickens me to learn that after my favorite crime-fighting duo foiled the Riddler’s latest caper, they probably celebrated with an orgy.  And wasn’t Bruce Wayne supposed to be the most eligible bachelor in all of Gotham City?  You’re not going to get any chicks sleeping in the same bed as a teenage boy, Bruce.  Clean up your act.

The second disturbing nugget that I found regarded not Batman’s personal life, but his professional one.  I have always looked at Batman as unstoppable because he continuously defeated such mastermind villains as the Joker, the Penguin, and Catwoman.  But when I discovered that one of Batman’s nemeses was a man known as the Clock King, I was flabbergasted.  Let me give you a sample of this criminal’s "abilities," courtesy of the all-knowing Wikipedia:

"He has no super-powers or abilities other than a rigid sense of order and timing. Clock King is a master planner and sometimes uses clock-themed gadgetry. He wears a clock mask, a cape, and a blue suit with clock drawings on it.

The original Clock King has no metahuman powers, although he is athletic and extraordinarily smart. He extensively uses clock- and time-related gimmicks to devastating effect."

His primary weapon is a sword forged in the shape of a clock’s hand that doubles as a walking stick, and his skill in swordsmanship is such that even Batman himself could not defeat him in single combat.

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Wow.  Terrifying.  So the Clock King is a supervillain because he is prompt and can use a fucking sword.  That describes half the guys at a Renaissance Festival.  Also interesting is the story regarding his foray into the criminal world.  Apparently, his boss told him to take a coffee break later than usual one day.  This messed up his schedule for the day and he went insane.  If you think I’m lying, look it up.  If you’re still not convinced that this mastermind is simply not so scary, take a look at this:

The Clock King

He looks like a fatter version of the dad from Mary Poppins. Come on, the guy has a fucking ironed-on clock attached to his chest.  And a clock implanted in his top hat.  He’s just not that frightening.

Batman, this is a message directly to you:  If you want to continue to be my favorite superhero, stop fighting a guy who could otherwise be leading a very successful career as a secretary.  Go after the serious villains in Gotham, not this faggot.  And stop being a pedophile.

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