We sail over the roof of some ghetto-ass apartment into its courtyard. We see three thugs partying hard to rap music with 40-ounce beers in paper bags. Their music shakes the walls and they’re getting rowdy. A hot chick is twerking her ass for them. A burly man in a white-T steps out his door and yells, “Shut the hells up, will ya?!”
They party even harder.
A woman yanks her door open. She is wearing a pink robe with a matching towel wrapped around her head. She has a curling iron in one hand and a phone in the other. She screams, “You mother fuckers! I’m calling the cops!”
They turn their music up even louder and get more cruck.
A balding black man steps out of his apartment. After watching them for a few seconds he yells, “Hey! Whatch’all drankin on!?”
“Hi. Some of you may have heard of me. The name’s God. How’re ya doing?”
The music suddenly stops. They freeze. One of them pulls their 40 out the bag. We snap in on it. We see a clear liquid inside. “We drankin’ on this TAP WATER, NICCA!”
The music starts back up and they resume partying.
We cut to the next scene. We see a sexy woman wearing a two-piece bikini on the beach. She stares at us seductively. We slowly follow up her shapely legs, the caramel curve of her waist and bare stomach, and her ample bosom pushed up in her bra. She stares at us with hypnotic green eyes.
“I use to look like this…” She pulls out a picture of a very large woman in a bikini. “A real Jabba the Hut… But you know how I lost all that weight? …Tap water.” She pulls out a cup of water and drinks it. It glistens as she pours it over her body. “I don’t ever eat and that’s all I ever drink… Tap water.” She takes another swig. “I love it. And you’ll love it too… on the Tap Water Diet.” She looks at us seductively. “You’ll lose tons of weight.”
A bro-dude runs up to her and exclaims, “Oh man! You’re hot bro!”
“Thaaaaaaanks!” she hollers back with a giddy jump.
We see a man crawling through the desert. His sweat glistens off his nose as it hits the sand and sizzles dry instantly. He looks up at the white-hot sun and licks his cracked lips and tries to swallow. “Oh God please… just a drop of water. Just one.”
All of a sudden the ground shakes and we hear a roar. The man looks around. A flash flood comes out of nowhere as a huge tidal wave knocks him over and sweeps him away while he screams in terror.
We float up from the desert into the clouds and see God turning the water off a spigot. He looks a lot like Jesus. He says, “You’re welcome guy.” He looks at us with a warm smile.
“Hi. Some of you may have heard of me. The name’s God. How’re ya doing?” His face lights up. “After a hard day of saving people I like drinking a cold cup of tap water.” He takes a sip and smacks his lips in satisfaction. “Immaculate.” He looks back at us.
“Why would God need to drink tap water you ask? …I don’t know.” He looks at us from another angle. “But in the beginning while I was creating the universe I was sippin’ on this cold cup of tap water.” He looks lovingly at his cup. “Was this cup of water here before me? Did I come from this cup of water? Did somebody just leave it sitting around? …I don’t know. All I know is that I love it. I’m God… and I’m all about that tap water.”
We freeze on his perfect smiling face and an announcer speaks up: “Thugs, models, people dying from thirst, even God loves tap water… and you’ll love it too! Run to your local establishment and drink some tap water right now. Brought to you by your local water treatment facilities.”
God looks around confused. “Who said that?”
There’s no response.
God looks at his cup of water in astonishment, “…Did you say that?” We go to black.